The previous post I wrote created quite a stir among my friends. They asked me what was wrong. I gave it a thought yesterday…wondered why I wrote those two lines….and I couldn’t explain why !! Dunno…but it does happen sometimes right, that everything really is ok, as normal as things could possibly get, but yet something somewhere just doesn’t seem right !!
I read this in RD someday- When a person thinks his memories outweigh his dreams, then has grown old. I think I’m growing old. I think I’m allowing my past to take over my present. I think I’m trying too hard to forget certain incidents of my life, and its just not helping…I’m getting pulled into it even more !!
It is not a very nice feeling to be 20 years old and not really have anything substantial to account for, in those years. And it’s not at all a nice feeling to know that half the goals I set for myself, have remained unaccomplished.
The HSC results got out a few days back….ok…quite a many days back. I remembered the day my HSC result was declared. And was I disappointed !! And why? A 92.5% aggregate and 96% PCM wasn’t quite a bad result. But I had missed the Merit rank by 4 marks…and THAT hurt ! Because a Merit Rank was what I had wanted ever since I came to know of its existence. The Rank didn’t matter anyways- two months after the result, and it all was forgotten. I forgot the entire incident too. But the result day reminded me of it, after a whole 2 years. And it hurt yet again !!
I’m planning to give my GRE in March 2006. Took admission in Dilip Oak’s Academy. But I just realized that my English is not as good as I thought it to be. In fact it’s deteriorating at an exponential rate !! That’s a scary thought….
Scary reminds me…Gauri thinks my posts are scary. I don’t think so. At least they’re not meant to evoke those kind of responses. Maybe that’s the kind of stuff one tends to write when one is confused….but scary ??!!
I don't know what I have written in the above paragraphs. I hope I haven't scared anyone !! :-)
But all that gibberish that I have typed away, has certainly made me feel much better !! Its true- Writing is therapeutic.......
1 comment:
that feeling of worthlessness( nothing to show for your years) is universal, especially when one looks around. and the english, well, the company one has in coep serves no good.
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