Breaking Dawn

Disclaimer: NO, this post has nothing to do with the Twilight movie- I saw it with my friends to make them happy and I think it is the most ridiculous movies of all time- two hours of unadulterated torture!

Real post begins now ---->

Time: 5:50 AM- Day 1 of Thanksgiving Break
You think it's ridiculous to be awake at this unearthly hour, especially when it's a break- yes, I do too. But this is one in a series of awkward nights I have been having since the past week..
Tonight I got up with multiple dreams- one about some material deliveries being screwed up on the production floor at work, one about saying good-bye to a friend who was leaving Davis for good and one about Thanksgiving two years ago amidst snow and Fall-colored maple leaves!
I left the light in my room on again - goodness, I'm dreading my PG&E bill this month!
I spent $300 on this IKEA bed - why can't I sleep !!

Anyway, no work today, so I get up, make myself a cup of white choc mocha and open my laptop.. Email checked, Facebook checked, blog updates by friends checked, NPR news checked.. Apparently, Sharad Pawar was slapped today by a Sikh guy today at some function in Delhi- it's all over the news and Facebook and the guy is being applauded by one and all. Agreed that someone like Mr. Pawar completely deserves being treated like this- he is one of the most corrupt officials the Indian government has ever seen. But is slapping him in public going to make him control the rising prices of agricultural produce in India? No. Is he going to feel guilty and confess all his crimes to the police? Definitely not. Harvinder Singh vented out his frustration, but the result of that is a Maharashtra bandh tomorrow- go figure! It, infact, takes all the attention away from the real issues that need to be tackled and gives these politicians reason to make a mountain out of a molehill..

Talking of mountains, this Kolaveri Di song is turning out to be quite a rage in the country- I'm amazed by the amount of jokes and caricatures that people have come up with already. To be honest, it is quite an addictive song- I can totally imagine it being a hit on drunken night-outs with college friends. The Indian audience is so unpredictable- on one day, the top favorite is a song with lyrics as beautiful as- "jo bhi main, kehna chahoon, barbaad kare alfaaz mere" and the next week, "white-u skin girl-u girl-u, girl-u heart-u black-u" is rocking the charts.. Click this link for a hilarious Kolaveri 101 run-down.. While we're on music, I have to say- I absolutely love Mohit Chauhan- I think he has the most soulful and romantic voices I've ever heard!

It's weird how our work influences all other aspects of our life too. I remember, when I was doing an internship with Price Chopper (it's a grocery store in upstate NY, like a fancier Walmart), I always called fruits and vegetables "produce" because that's how they were classified in the warehouse. I'm a scheduler now and I just realized that every time anyone says one week, I instantly think 5 days because that's what we use in our day-to-day calculations.. It's not a bad thing, of course.. I love the fact that some part of my brain is always thinking about projects at work and how to handle them etc.

The seasons are changing here so fast! There was hardly a Fall and it's Winter already. It is lightly raining outside and there are leaves all over the road- in shades of green, red and yellow- they look so beautiful! I love the holidays and the festivities associated with them- there are times when I don't like them as much, but I still love them for the most part. Diwali, Christmas and Thanksgiving are my favorites and I cannot even choose which one I like better! Festivals to me are about lights, gifts, good food, friends and family, traditions and togetherness.

I remember, last year, this time, I was in RIT preparing for my thesis defense! Time really flies! Yesterday, two of my friends "celebrated" their pre-wedding anniversary which means that they are getting married on this day, next year! On that note, two of my best friends would be married by this time next month! Time is flying at the speed of light !! What would I be doing this time next year?!

I saw this image one day and it really formed an impression on my mind. I think I think too much! :P I should stop thinking and start doing. These intermittent sleepless nights have forced me to really outline the things I am doing wrong in life and what I need to change. I think I have come up with a few contenders and have taken up two projects which I hope will help me better the current situation. Let's see how they go..

Okay, so I know I just said I'm not going to think too much anymore- but one last thought- I was talking to a friend about loneliness the other day- this girl has the most amazing lifestyle ever- a great job that she loves, a very active social life, the opportunity to pursue her passions, friends, interests that keep her motivated, financial stability- nothing terribly wrong on the face of it- and still she told me that she leads a very lonely life. Is it possible to have people around you who care about you and still feel lonely? If loneliness is a state of mind, then it probably never goes away, regardless of where you are. People compare their lives in India and the US and say that the lifestyle in the US is very lonely. But if you're staying away from your family in India, isn't that the same as living 3000 miles away, at least on a day-to-day basis? Yes, you'd be in the same time and geographical zone which does make communication a lot easier, but maybe it would still be a lonely existence...

Ohh I just realized today is Thanksgiving- maybe I should sign-off with a few things I am thankful for, in the spirit of the season..

For one, I am thankful for the people in my life currently- believe me, I know what being lonely is, and it is not fun. And I have come a long way from that. So yes, as I always say, people matter and I am thankful for the ones in my life.
I am thankful for great bosses- no, my boss doesn't know I blog, but again, I have had my share of bad bosses and so I am genuinely thankful for being blessed with a brilliant one this time around!
I am thankful for change, when it is needed. And I am thankful for things staying the same when we seek comfort in the familiar.
And I am thankful for Mohit Chauhan.. :):)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! :)

Growing up...

Like all mothers of the world, my mom has always been extremely protective about me, maybe a touch more than most moms actually.. Of course, when I was a teenager, I called it being over-bearing and interfering but growing up makes you realize that it was actually just her motherly need to shield me from all the bad things in the world. I do the same with my sister sometimes- she is only 4 years younger to me but every now and then, I feel the need to warn her about the dangers in the world. I even use the same dialogue my mom used on me- "learn from me, don't repeat the mistakes I made!" My retort to that always was the classic- "let me do what I want; let me make my own mistakes; how will I grow if I don't learn things the hard way?!" Very easy to say- sounds all brave and fearless, but is not so easy to follow, or so I have learned over time! My sister is a lot more mature than me though- she did actually manage to learn from my mistakes and made sure she did not repeat a lot of the ones I made, even though tempted otherwise. See, this is why you should always be the younger one! :P

Anyway, I digress.. So one of the things my mom never liked was how easily I trusted people. I don't mean strangers on the bus or anything, but more like how I could do anything for my friends and people I was close to. She did not like me having sleepovers with my friends or hanging out with them till late at night- 10 PM was my curfew time. She did not like it when I spoke to them on the phone for too long because she wanted me to study instead! She also did not like it when I gave up study-time or family-time to help them out or be with them sometimes. Her point in all this was that I go overboard and out of my way to help a friend and she wanted me to hold back on that because not all people reciprocate with the same intensity, which only ends up hurting me.. This impending hurt is what she wanted to save me from.. The fact that a lot of the stupid astrologers she consulted in those years told her the same thing about my over-trusting nature only made matters worse... :P

I was thinking about friendships the other day and the people who have been a part of my life ever since I really knew what it means to have a meaningful connection with a person. I often feel like God or whoever the guiding force is in this universe, is running a giant lab experiment with people in the world. Just like those redox reactions we learned about in school chemistry. We each form different kinds of bonds with different people depending on our so-called "electron configurations".. Each reaction can either increase or decrease our oxidation number but stability is reached only when a minimum energy bond is formed. Can we determine if that will happen with an X person, though? Not really.. Situations change, people change, we change, chemistries change; some people get lucky, others not so much; some people move on, others remain where they were.. In a situation that is so transient, how do we determine what is too soon and too close? And since we are always searching for reasons and answers, how do we justify the people who did come into our lives but left halfway? If they weren't planning on staying for the journey, then why did they make us change our destination?

Given all the above points, was my mom right?
Have I made a fool of myself by trusting the wrong people at times? Maybe.
Have I learned anything from those mistakes? The hope is that I have.
Will I repeat the same mistakes again? Oh hell, ya! :P
So, what do I do? She isn't here to save me from the hurt each time...
I guess I go back to what I told her ten years ago - "let me do what I want; let me make my own mistakes; how will I grow if I don't learn things the hard way"

I guess I'm not a big fan of growing up.....

Thank you AOL / ICQ for coming up with instant messenger services in the 1900's and then Google for integrating it with their email service !!!

I officially love gtalk - because it can connect people who are 7374 miles apart and have not spoken to each other for over 13 days and who need to speak to each other !!! :):)

Stupid post, but this has been a crazy week and I'm happy it's ending and I'm grateful for a few special people in my life... :) And gtalk just helped me reconnect with them.. :)

New beginnings, old endings..

People tend to get really romantic about the beginning of new things- may be a new job, a new relationship, a new life, new people- whatever the case may be- starting with a clean slate seems to have some kind of charm to it. You think of how things would be different this time. You make lists of all the things you would work towards changing in yourself. A world of possibilities lay in front of you and you would work towards grabbing them with open arms and make the most of it - your life would change forever!

Reality check though- no matter how new life and the circumstances may be, you are still the same you- after a point, how much can you change yourself? Yes, you start with renewed enthusiasm and motivation, which is great! But very soon, the energy fades away and you tend to revert back to your old ways. Your faults still remain the same, your fears still remain the same, your goof-ups still remain the same. They only get temporarily subdued by the magic of a new beginning..

Like for example, suppose you are an inherently positive person who has a terrible accident and becomes a paraplegic- this may set you back initially, you will hate your life and curse your destiny. But once the emotions settle, the optimism and energy to take life by its horns and fight back does return because that's who you are. On the other hand, what if you are an inherently negative person and win a million dollar lottery? You would be ecstatic initially, love your life and thank your stars but once the wave of happiness subsides, you go back to complaining about the corruption, traffic, pollution and your neighbor's dog! The inner you really never changes.. Right?

We humans are funny- we keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again and never really learn to change. And then we wonder why life didn't turn out any differently !! The unfortunate truth of the matter is- we are always given the right opportunities, but we never learn how to use them correctly.. Because screwing up something that is perfect is what comes naturally to us..