The "What If..." Saga

Regrets.

Life is always full of regrets. I think people who say they're happy with every decision they've made in life or are satisfied with the way their life has turned out to be, are on a dose of Prozac or something... :P How many times have we let our minds wander away with thoughts of "What if X had happened instead of Y..."

The worst thing is that, often, the way our life turns out is not entirely dependent on us. The choices we make can never be for our individual desires alone. Somehow, our mind is conditioned to think of others' happiness, to put our family and friends before us, even if that means a little bit of sacrifice on our part. And then there are times when people think it's okay to take our lives in their hands and turn it upside-down AND inside-out and then hand it back to us! The problem with choices is that it's not always easy to distinguish the right from the wrong. You know that story where the author tells you that the path that seems more difficult is often the right one? Well, what do you do when you cannot determine what the more difficult path is? When both seem equally tough, or equally easy...

What if...
What if I had not moved back to India..
What if I had told you what I wanted instead of taking the beaten road..
What if I had left chapter 2 for option instead of chapter 4..
What if I had told you what happened immediately, instead of waiting for things to worsen six months later..
What if he had been in a good mood that day, instead of the foul mood is always is in..
What if I had gone to another university, instead of running after that scholarship..
What if I had not been a frequent user of Gtalk..
What if you had been honest with me from the start, instead of choosing not to speak..
What if we had never gone for that walk that day...
What if I had said "I'm not done fighting for this" instead of "Okay"..
What if you had said "I don't want to give up" instead of "Good-bye"..
What if you had realized you took a hasty decision two days later..
What if...

The problem with the 'what if's' is that they are like little threads of hope. You want to continue hanging on to them because you believe that life will give you a chance some day to relive that moment again. And when that chance comes, you will correct what you (think you) have wronged. Unfortunately though, the brutal truth is that such moments come only to a very very lucky few! And the second brutal truth is that unless you let go of the 'what if's', you can never truly move on..

I guess the thing about choices is that they were never meant to be easy- unless it's a choice between ice-cream and fruit! :P But you have to make them anyway, all the time! No amount of fretting for days and thinking things through can prepare you for the moment you make that one final decision. During such times, the best thing to do is always to take a deep breath and trust your instincts- and pray like hell, that you have the strength to face the music that follows!

Besides, I think in the long run, you learn to deal with the repercussions better. You learn to let go faster. And you learn to look for the silver lining everywhere you go.. Except for those choices that change your life forever. Such choices always linger on, somewhere at the back of your mind.. You try to forget them, to lock them up in a tiny box, but the scars always remind you of those times. When that happens, you should also remember that they were wounds of victory, not defeat...