Being 25 is sexy... :D:D

So the last few posts have been a little too serious and definitely not the type of stuff this blog is used to seeing. Well, it has been a slightly tough time and I guess I was using the blog to vent out my frustrations. But thankfully, some old and new friends have very successfully managed to show me the lighter, brighter, happier side of life and so to commemorate that- here is a positive post! :)

So, I am from the batch of 1985 and so all of us from this super-awesome batch turned 25 this year. Some (like me) passed through the golden doors much earlier this year, whereas a few others are heading that way over the next two months of 2010. Nonetheless, you know this whole hype around turning 25 right- silver jubilee, quarter life crisis, time to settle down, career, marriage blah blah blah... To be frank, it's just like any other birthday- you get a year older, but you still essentially remain the same person. It's not like the moment the clock turns 12, you undergo this magical transformation where your purpose in life becomes crystal clear and you attain this new found respect for life unknown to you before. Sure, there are changes- like a dear friend discovered on his 25th birthday- his tolerance for alcohol was no longer as strong as it was when he was 18! :-(

So anyway, with all this negative vibe going around turning 25, it was pretty heartening to see an amazingly cheerful birthday wish from one friend to another on her 25th birthday. I'm quoting from her Facebook page-

"You have successfully reached the first major summit! The view is fabulous from this point and I hear it gets better every year!"

I was so happy when I read this message- reminded me that just because I turned 25 doesn't mean that there is some imaginary deadline staring at me in the face! I partly blame our parents for this though- they somehow are still living in this 80's era where 25 was the then 35 !! :P And what is worse is that this weird rule applies more to girls than guys.. I mean, I don't see parents of 25-year old guys asking them about when they want to settle down.. Then why us girls?! Hamein bhi toh apni zindagi jeene do..

So anyways, I've decided to stop worrying for now. Life sucks and is crappy and is unfair and is dark and twisty and is full of a**holes- Agreed. But it is still a gift and I am going to try and cherish it from now on. :D:D

With this happy thought, I begin another crazy week... :D

The "What If..." Saga

Regrets.

Life is always full of regrets. I think people who say they're happy with every decision they've made in life or are satisfied with the way their life has turned out to be, are on a dose of Prozac or something... :P How many times have we let our minds wander away with thoughts of "What if X had happened instead of Y..."

The worst thing is that, often, the way our life turns out is not entirely dependent on us. The choices we make can never be for our individual desires alone. Somehow, our mind is conditioned to think of others' happiness, to put our family and friends before us, even if that means a little bit of sacrifice on our part. And then there are times when people think it's okay to take our lives in their hands and turn it upside-down AND inside-out and then hand it back to us! The problem with choices is that it's not always easy to distinguish the right from the wrong. You know that story where the author tells you that the path that seems more difficult is often the right one? Well, what do you do when you cannot determine what the more difficult path is? When both seem equally tough, or equally easy...

What if...
What if I had not moved back to India..
What if I had told you what I wanted instead of taking the beaten road..
What if I had left chapter 2 for option instead of chapter 4..
What if I had told you what happened immediately, instead of waiting for things to worsen six months later..
What if he had been in a good mood that day, instead of the foul mood is always is in..
What if I had gone to another university, instead of running after that scholarship..
What if I had not been a frequent user of Gtalk..
What if you had been honest with me from the start, instead of choosing not to speak..
What if we had never gone for that walk that day...
What if I had said "I'm not done fighting for this" instead of "Okay"..
What if you had said "I don't want to give up" instead of "Good-bye"..
What if you had realized you took a hasty decision two days later..
What if...

The problem with the 'what if's' is that they are like little threads of hope. You want to continue hanging on to them because you believe that life will give you a chance some day to relive that moment again. And when that chance comes, you will correct what you (think you) have wronged. Unfortunately though, the brutal truth is that such moments come only to a very very lucky few! And the second brutal truth is that unless you let go of the 'what if's', you can never truly move on..

I guess the thing about choices is that they were never meant to be easy- unless it's a choice between ice-cream and fruit! :P But you have to make them anyway, all the time! No amount of fretting for days and thinking things through can prepare you for the moment you make that one final decision. During such times, the best thing to do is always to take a deep breath and trust your instincts- and pray like hell, that you have the strength to face the music that follows!

Besides, I think in the long run, you learn to deal with the repercussions better. You learn to let go faster. And you learn to look for the silver lining everywhere you go.. Except for those choices that change your life forever. Such choices always linger on, somewhere at the back of your mind.. You try to forget them, to lock them up in a tiny box, but the scars always remind you of those times. When that happens, you should also remember that they were wounds of victory, not defeat...

The Big Cosmic Question

I've often wondered about this often-discussed concept of fate, destiny, karma etc etc. What exactly is true- Is everything predestined or do we have some amount of control over what happens in our lives? Now I know every human on this planet who has gone through life, has an opinion on this question- and I'd love to hear what you think! That's what the comments section is for! :D But you see, I haven't posted an article on this blog for a year now, so the likelihood of someone reading this post and actually commenting is pretty minuscule.. :P So, for now, I'm going to jot down my two cents on this concept..

Well, for starters, the reason I have always wondered about this issue is because of my mom. You see, she's been through the whole spectrum- from being a die-hard believer in horoscopes, numerology, even tarot, to having mellowed down over the past few years to a more balanced approach towards life. So every time anyone is going through a rough phase, she doesn't shy away from using her experiences to jostle them back to the harsh reality that is life! Of course, I mean this in a good way! :) Secondly, it helps when you have friends who have very interesting takes on the subject too..

So coming back- There was a point in my life when the eternal truth I believed in was that 'good things happen to good people'. And so, be good to all, be honest and sincere and always have integrity (which is the biggest virtue in the world, according to me). Of course, this was a time when the biggest problems in my life were not getting a 90 in English and the guy sitting on the 4th bench in class not smiling at me.. :P Over time, a lot of bigger problems took their place. During such frustrating times, my mom always told me that all things happen for a reason. This may seem like the worst thing that could ever happen to you at that point of time, but this phase is going to make you stronger so that you can deal with worse things when you get older. My mom always visited these funny astrologers, and tried out numerous pujas and stones and everything to try to avert the "bad stuff", but I participated with her only to keep her happy, not because I believed in it. I still do not believe in people who claim to have the powers to predict my future- I do not believe any human being is so gifted. And the amazing thing is that, over the years, my mom stopped believing in such people too! Another thing that changed is that now, I have an opinion on what life is about. I don't say it is universal or that it is true, but it is something that my life has taught me and it is something that helps me live better.

You see, something very interesting happened many years ago. There came a point in my life when I began to act completely out of character. Of course, at that point of time, it seemed perfectly natural and also felt like good-natured rebellion. But when I think of it now, it was so so anti-me! Without getting down to the gory details, lets just say that I was digging a big, huge hole for myself. And I could see that I was digging this hole and knew I should stop. But I just couldn't! The realization of what I had done struck when I was buried so deep that I didn't know how to come back.. It seems so foolish and immature when I think of that time right now, but it was definitely not so funny then. Let's just say that it took me a long time to get out of that sh*t, but I came out of it and washed myself clean.. :P Even today, whenever I think back on what happened, I only wonder what had come over me that made me behave so uncharacteristically! One of the plausible explanations I have is the famous Master Oogway line- "'Often, the steps we take to avoid destiny, lead us to it..'

Yup, regardless of what people may say or think, I do believe that destiny has some role to play in our life. There are some things in our life we have no control over. Incidents happen when you least expect them to, even when you think you've done all the right things! This does not mean you throw your hands in the air and just stroll through life. It is your job to take something away from everything that happens in life- the good and the bad stuff. When something good happens, you appreciate the goodness in life and learn to value what you have. And when things go against your wishes- you learn to deal with it and make the most of it. I am not a religions person, but I do believe in the existence of someone out there who is looking out for me. And I know that he is constantly trying to filter out the bad stuff from my life and that he is going to connect the dots somehow. You remember that crappy situation I mentioned earlier? Well, something good came out of that too. I may have gone through the worst two years of my life, but in the end, I got a chance to mend some very crucial relationships. I got the chance to value what I had been given and I definitely would not have been here today had I not realized this. So you see..it took four years, but the dots connected.

So, where does this leave us with the good = good equation?! You ever heard of the saying 'what goes around, comes around?! Well, it's true !!! So you do good, so that you can build positive relationships in life. When your destiny lands you in a bowl of crap, you are going to need people to help you out of it. And the only way people will respect you, is if you respect them. You do good because you want to do good, not because life is a balance sheet!

What is important is that you push through the bad stuff and believe that some good is about to come. The only thing constant in life is change and so why waste time worrying, right?! Watch reruns of Friends and Scrubs, read books, paint, read this article, reconnect with old friends, travel and take exciting classes- do anything, but push through it! And keep faith in the good things in life- friends who value you no matter what, a family that loves you no matter what, and a purpose in life that keeps you going no matter what.. :)

My mom sent me these lines from a book she reads quite a lot nowadays- The Secret. It is a bit cheesy, but I think this really summarizes a lot of what I've been trying to pen down-

So often, when things change in our lives, we have such a resistance to the change. This is because when people see a big change appearing, they are often fearful that it is something bad. But it is important to remember that when something big changes in our lives, it means something better is coming. There cannot be a vacuum in the Universe, and so as something moves out, something must come in and replace it. When change comes, relax, have total faith, and know that the change is ALL GOOD. Something more magnificent is coming to you!