Children

Random website-hopping brought me to this beautiful poem by Kahlil Gibran- On Children.

If you have kids, this is one of those poems you should have framed by your bedside and read out loud every night, almost like a prayer.. I know that's one thing I would do for sure..

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Note to all parents: After a certain age, let your children be ! They are smart enough to figure their way out..

Fiction piece from the yesteryears..

Time: One of those unusual quiet Saturdays, 1:35 AM

State of Mind: Melancholic

Song on iPod: Tanha Dil Tanha Safar (maybe that explains the mood.. :P) 

I am browsing through my hard disk and reading some of the articles I've written in the past so many years- most of them have found their way to this blog, but there are some things which I never got around to posting coz they were too amateurish or silly.. Opened this little fictional piece I wrote many years ago- which is kind of inspired from a true life incident (as is all fiction).. Just brought a smile to my face because it's ending is the exact opposite of what I wrote about in my previous post..

Reproducing it here, in its unedited and unabridged form, four years after writing it.. :)

**********************************************************************************

Remember how we used to have categories of friends when we were younger- general friends, good friends, best friends, bestestest friends.. She wanted to know which category she belonged to.

"Well, if it bothers you so much, just ASK him.. Not a big deal. It’s not like you’re his pesky girlfriend", her mind told her.

True. But asking a question as silly as "So....where do I stand in your life?" would make her a "typical" female, a tag she had so consciously stayed away from.

But everything was so unsettling. She wanted to know. Maybe she was a typical.

"Penny for your thoughts!", he said, as he sat beside her on the couch, interrupting her thoughts.

"Hey! Done with your phone call?"

"Yeah, was a friend from work. So....who you thinking about?", he asked, that familiar twinkle in his eyes.

"Huh...no one re. Just watching some TV"

"The History Channel? Wow...you take TV - watching seriously mate !"

With that, they both burst out laughing, as she flipped through the channels. A few minutes passed by in silence- the comfortable kind, not awkward at all..

"Hey, ummmm....you wanna go for a walk or something? If you're not too tired with all the traveling and jet lag, that is.", he asked finally.

She looked at him, and suddenly everything was so clear. Her mind raced back to 1998- this was exactly how it had started. This very question, that walk, had marked their transition from “general” friends to “bestestest” friends. 

Of course, nothing had changed.. This time, geographical boundaries and education had come in the way. Soon, there'd be girlfriends and boyfriends, jobs, marriage, kids; but nothing; absolutely nothing could change what they had. Ever. Did she really need to define it? No. Because some things are best left unsaid....

"What's funny? Why are you smiling?", he asked, as he walked towards the door.

"Nothing. I'll just grab a pullover; I think its kinda cold in your London...."

**********************************************************************************

Sometimes Calvin and Hobbes just get you.. :)

 

Time: 1:58 AM

State of Mind: Still Melancholic

Song on iPod: Haule haule ho jayega pyaar..

Last thought before I crash into bed: I love Taani partner!

Why does everyone always wait till 3 ?

Sometimes the Youtube suggested videos come up with real gems- like this short film that popped up after a Grey's Anatomy song (go figure!)...



If you think about it- the story is very standard- a guy with a list of things to do before graduation, his girl - friend (the dash that makes all the difference!) who he also has a crush on, and how he gathers up the courage to tell her his feelings in the end..

All of us have those lists of things we want to accomplish before graduation or before we turn 25 or 30 or 50, whichever bracket you fall into..
All of us know the feeling of being secretly crazy about someone but not knowing how to say it because you don't want to "ruin the friendship.."
And hopefully some of us have gathered up the courage to tell them how we felt in the hope of leaving nothing unsaid..

In matters of the heart, more than ever, timing is everything. One missed chance, one wrong move, or a little too much alcohol (;)) can break your shot at the possibility of a great love. The funny thing though, is that you never really know at that point, if it was a good or bad thing. What seems like a lost cause then, could probably be the pathway to something even bigger and better in your future. The dots connect backwards- true. But at the same time, you can connect the dots only if you create them in the first place. Unless you take your chances, how will you know what you could get? Why does everyone always wait till 3? The right moment is now, not when the moon is in its waning crescent phase and stars are forming a heart shape in the sky.. :P

My second take-home message is this- I sincerely hope that none of you have to experience lost love, because no doubt, it is one of the hardest things you ever have to go through. But if it does come your way- then never go down without a fight. If you wallow in self-pity, then it's like giving the other person the remote control of your life. And that is completely unacceptable. Cry if you want to. But only for fifteen minutes. Love is not a battlefield, but bouncing back is.

(This post goes out to Aly- This is all I want you to remember, girl..)

No Title.

Yet another quote from Grey's Anatomy hits the nail on the head today..

"...And is it worth it—being responsible? Because if you take your vitamins and pay your taxes and never cut the line, the universe still gives you people to love and then lets them slip through your fingers like water, and then what have you got? Vitamins and nothing..."

Responsibility sucks. I never took my vitamins. I've made mistakes. But I've alwayd learned from them.
I never said I was perfect.
People matter. Love matters.
Life is weird.

Humans like to impose and demonstrate their power on other living beings like animals by killing them for food, pleasure or revenge. Basically they like controlling and manipulating others' lives. Survival of the fittest. I say, that is unfair. Which is why I'm vegetarian.

Then, God or whatever you consider above all of us, shows us our place by doing the exact same thing to us. That is unfair too. But I said I was vegetarian. Shouldn't that account for something? A few brownie points, maybe?

Maybe agnosticism is the way to go- No expectations, no accountability.

I'm using the blog as a diary again. Damn!

48 minutes..

So I just put laundry in the dryer and have nothing to do for forty-eight minutes. I was just talking to a friend yesterday about how I tend to think through every post I write on my blog- it is usually an activity that spans a couple of days. So just as a fun exercise, I have decided to get as random as is possible for me, and pen down whatever crosses my mind until my laundry gets done!

Okay, that intro just took me two minutes, so forty-six minutes on the clock it is..

1. The title of this post reminds me of the "Sattar minute" monologue from Chak De... :) But Adtaalees doesn't sound as cool as Sattar !! :P
2. I love cricket!
3. I wish I could use fancy-shmancy words while blogging.. :P Or for that matter, write about fancy-shmancy concepts/ ideas..
4. I hate moving- even if it is to a place that is two miles away. More than the effort of packing and unpacking- it is the mental exercise involved in leaving one place you are familiar with and getting used to a completely new environment. This is the ninth apartment I will be living in, in the three years I have been in the US but I'm still not used to it!
5. Talking about moving- I think I've spoken about moving wayyy too much on this blog! :P But whatever...it's been an integral part of my life for so many days now!
6. Setting up a new place is also freakishly expensive man- I've spent 800 bucks in the past ten days already! Never shopped so much since Thanksgiving 2008, when I went to India for the first time..
7. I hope I can get my new apartment to be as nice as I have imagined it to be.. I am a nester at heart- that's such an integral part of me.. But abhi tak woh feeling hi nahi aa rahi..
8. One thing is for sure- I am going to miss my current roomies like crazy- I'll still meet them and hang out with them everyday of course, but it's going to be weird to not be living with them! For the record- they have been the best of the fourteen roommates I have had in three years! Honest to God!
9. Have you ever felt like thinking, speaking and writing in Hindi (or your most comfortable language) the whole day? I wish I could type this whole post in Hindi today.. :)
10. I sometimes wonder which place to call my own- I was born in Pune, spent five years in Mumbai, stayed for 9 years after that in Qatar, remaining 9 years after that in Pune again and now three years in the US. People always have so many stories to tell of their childhood in some Indian city- the primary school life, taking those NTS scholarship exams, teachers, sports meets, annual day functions, playing after school etc etc.. I have those too, but no one can identify with them because the environment was so different in Doha.. I loved my days in Qatar, but I also wish I could get a chance to experience proper school life in Pune or Mumbai..
11. I saw Hello Panda biscuits the other day at a frozen yogurt shop and it brought back awesome memories of life in MES Indian School though.. Maybe I like it that I have a different set of experiences than most people... :):)
12. According to me, the whole "let's-just-be-friends" concept is the most f**ked up statement in the whole world. There should be a limit on the number of times someone can apply it in their life..
13. Thankfully, I do not say the above from personal experience.. :P But I still think it holds true..
14. The next person who tells me that guys are uncomplicated is going to get one big rapta from me.. Guys are extremely confused people (just like anyone else..) They just know how to put on a good show of confidence! :P
15. Fourteen minutes to go.. :)
16. Thought for the day- "So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. No body said it'd be easy, they just promised that it would be worth it. Eventually feels a lot better than actually.." This is the reason I love Grey's Anatomy.. :)
17. September 9, 2010- It's funny how some days change your life forever.. I think sometimes we need to be pushed into the deep side of the pool to learn how to swim..
18. Koi engineers (specifically mechanical engineers) pe kabhi movie kyun nahi banata-- I know we cannot develop fancy protein sequences for viruses or wear fancy suits and sign controversial multi-billion contracts or have eccentric lives like artists or write code that can destroy the country's security system, but designing and building machinery can be cool too !!!
19. In the same vein, koi ladkiyon pe DCH ya ZNMD type movies kyun nahi banata! Do you think girls cannot take an adventurous road trip together without being bitchy or shopping the whole time!? That's so cliched! Step up to the challenge, film-makers!
20. I think surprise birthdays are super-awesome- even the ones that happen seven months after your actual birthday! :)
21. I miss the east coast on some days- not Rochester specifically- but I miss Gau-Soumya, RIT and New York City !!!
22. Funny how the smallest of things trigger memories of forgotten events and people- case in point- Honey Bunches of Oats Strawberry Flavor! :P Maybe someone should create a Pensieve where we can store thoughts that never need to be thought of again.. :)
23. I need to find an escape-spot in Davis- a place I can connect with and where I can go when I want to be away from the chehel-pehel of everyday life and just think, or maybe not-think and just be.. :)
24. I want to get a cat!
25. Does married life really change people- I hope not! :(
26. Guys should not talk (excessively) about girls (any girl, even actresses) being beautiful/ hot/ cute in front of other girls- that's just rude! :P I think Hum Aapke Hain Kaun mein aisa dialogue tha! It's true though.. :)
27. I love white chocolate mocha!
28. The mind is such a random instrument.. Never thought it could cross so many dimensions in forty-six minutes!

Alrighty- laundry is done. Now time to post and unpack... :)

And then, it happened- Life!

Sky-diving is one of the must-do items on my list of things to accomplish in life. But like all items on that list- I want it to be just right- with the right people, the perfect weather, knowing that this is the day! Getting a tattoo was like that- it was completely random- my closest friend was going to visit from PA, I was going through a terrible time in my life and the last thing on my mind was a tattoo! She told me that we'd get it done together and the moment she said it- I knew that I wanted one that weekend! I looked up designs online and again, when my eye fell on my design, something about it resonated with what I was looking for.. Even today, every time I look at my tattoo, it brings a smile to my face. It changed something inside of me... Maybe it was a way of knowing that I was in control even though I had no idea what the end-result was going to be...


Moving across the country has been a similar experience. The reality of it did not hit me until I had shipped all my stuff to California already and was sitting at the Rochester airport with one bag, on my way to an awesome Memorial Day reunion with my friends at NYC before heading to CA. I remember a friend texting me - "This is IT !!" I remember packing my stuff in 90 minutes flat- 90 minutes is all it took to stuff my belongings of two years in bags and boxes- and mind you, I am an organized packer! I remember saying good-bye to my advisor and for the first time, wanting to really hug him because I was so overwhelmed and happy! I remember many other very quick good-byes.. I remember walking on the RIT campus, really seeing all the buildings and sculptures, as if it were my first time once again.. Everything else is a blur...

I landed in Davis, California and went to my new apartment and in the first three hours I spent there- my new room-mate had explained her entire health history to me.. Imagine talking about everything from stomach ulcers to uterine cysts with a person you know for fifteen minutes! It was awesome because she didn't care that I was new! :D First day of work at a new company was exciting- the whole razzmatazz of working in a big company etc etc! Tab woh din tha aur aaj yeh din hain.. It's been seven weeks since the move and my darling roommate's health history has already gotten two pages longer (kidding!), there are ten people I can call friends in this new city, I have projects that I am responsible for at work, and life has taken a successful 270-degree turn.. Somehow, through the avalanche of things that have happened in the past year, I landed up exactly where I belonged!

Sky-diving and getting inked give jitters to a lot of people- I know of so many friends who have gotten on that plane at 5000 feet, or have sat on the tattoo artist's chair and chickened out at the last minute. It's not about how gutsy you are actually- I've always believed that when something feels right, all fear goes away. You just have to jump! And trust that the instructor holding you knows what he is doing! :P And once the jump is over, you look back up at the sky and at the parachute on your back and sit wondering - Man, did I really do that ?!! :)

Somehow whenever people say life happened- it always seems to be the reason for failed ambitions or dreams gone awry. But look at it from my perspective and I say- I am so glad it did !!

The thing about "too good to be true..."

You know how people say that if something is too good to be true, it probably is... ?! I seriously hope that these people got it wrong this one time..

Coz after a very very very long time, a lot of good things are happening at the same time, and I so so so hope that all this is as real as it can get.. :)

Anyways, I am a believer in buri nazar, so I am not going to divulge any details until everything is all set, which should hopefully be very soon. Until then, I'm pinching myself every minute and keeping my fingers tightly crossed hoping that this streak continues for a while.. I need it and so I humbly accept it! :)

Musings...

Random things that have happened in the past few days; random thoughts that have crossed my mind..

1. My group of friends from COEP had a reunion of sorts a few weeks ago. We all met at a friend's place in Baltimore and hung out for the whole weekend. I think it was the most amazing, fun time I have ever had in a very very long time. It's weird how things never change with some people, no matter how much time has passed since you last met. I mean I am in touch with a few of my closest friends from college, but I met a few friends that weekend after like 3 years; and it was still exactly the same- actually I think I had more fun with them than we did even when in COEP! Thank God for long-lasting friendships!
2. The weekend in Baltimore also made me feel very old and grown-up.. There we all were- with jobs and cars, discussing about our companies; so many of us are engaged and getting married before the end of this year! Seems like yesterday that we all set foot in the US.. Does time pass this fast, really?
3. Talking about time- I think I have spent so much time now in a transient state that the idea of "settling" in a place doesn't appeal to me anymore.. I mean, I have always been a person who likes to make a place her own- even if it is one side of one bedroom in an apartment- I liked the feeling of owning a place and calling it mine- nesting as they call it. But now, being in one place for too long scares me, bores me and makes me nervous. Do I really have to work in this same company for the next few years now; stay in this same apartment year after year? I think while all people are moving forward, I'm moving backwards.. :P
4. Have you ever played that game where you think back to what you were doing on this day, a year back? I just realized that a year ago, on this day, I was gearing up for a very dear friend's birthday party- planning this big surprise, wrapping up gifts and all...- and today, just a year later, I don't know anything about that friend's whereabouts! We are as good as strangers.. I hate this game!
5. I firmly believe that people maketh a place a home. Windy, snowy, humid, dull, drab, tiny- none of these adjectives matter as long as you have the right people to share it with.. Man is a social animal. Man needs people to make life meaningful- the right people.
6. I always thought new beginnings were exciting- the numerous possibilities, the excitement, the apprehensions- I loved all of that always! But now, I want to go back to things, the way they were. Old is gold. Starting over does not seem fun anymore. Shucks, I am feeling old already! :P
7. Speaking of age- I recently saw the picture of my younger sister on Sari Day in her college in India- man, she looks so grown-up and pretty! I was staring at that picture for 10 minutes, unable to accept the fact that my sister is so grown-up.. I think I am starting to understand how my parents feel when they see us get older each year..
8. That Sari Day also doubled up as Rose Day in her college, so my sister was filling me in on the gossip and happenings of the day.. Apparently one of her friends' boyfriend gave her 143 red roses. Why 143- I asked her, assuming that maybe they had been together for 143 days or something! So turns out that 143 stands for "I Love You" !! Man, have I been out of college for this long?!!?
9. Is it possible to have a job that you love or do all jobs become dull and drab after a few months/years? I mean seriously, I need someone to tell me- is there a job that you can enjoy so much that Mondays don't depress you anymore? You have fun over the weekend, but the idea of going back to work on Monday still seems exciting.. Please tell me that there is a job like that!
10. I miss the World Cup- never have I felt more Indian than I did on the day of the semi-finals and finals! Man, what a game, what a team, what a performance! Hats off to everyone.. I felt happiest for Sachin Tendulkar actually- after 20 years in the sport, I think he deserved at least one WC win to his long list of achievements.. That joy and satisfaction was so evident on his face. Isn't it amazing how one sport can unite the country to this extent?!

Learning to love lemonade and piles of shit..

You know that saying about when you think life has thrown a big pile of shit at you, look at others' pile and you'll want yours back? And you know that other saying about when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade? Well, the last week has been a gigantic lesson in how terrible I have been in following these two commandments!

You see- sometimes we get so blinded by what is happening in our life and how out of control it is getting, that we forget to notice the good stuff around us. Like one of my pregnant friends was telling me about how long she took to realize she was actually pregnant! After the initial joy and surprise had weaned off, the only thing she could think about was how dramatically her life was going to change and how fat and hormonal she was getting and how the baby was going to take over her whole life...blah blah. Until, (now this is very Bollywood), the baby kicked one day! And that is when the reality of it all hit her- she has a baby, her own baby !! How awesomely insane was that (for her :P)! So you see, sometimes you need a kick to realize that while some things may not be exactly what you want, there is a purpose in their coming into your life. And maybe you just need to wait to realize what that is. And maybe someday, after that purpose has been achieved, you may actually get the thing you have wanted all along..

So without divulging too much information- let me just give you a gist of what happened. So while I am an essentially positive person, I go into this cocoon at times where I think that the worst stuff in the world is happening to me and only good things happen to everyone else- I'm sure it happens to a lot of us! So last week, I met two people who have had to deal with more crap than me and who were still so happy and positive and full of love! I'm sure they've had their moments of despair, but they also snapped out of it much stronger- and faster- than me. That was, in essence, the kick in my butt. :P Isn't it oddly unsettling, how knowing of another person's difficulties can make you feel better- quite disturbing actually! But to clarify- it's not that I was happy to know what had happened to those people. I just made me feel that I was not alone in this. And I think that is what we all need- to know that we haven't been singled out.

The only downside of kicks like these are that the effect of the jhatka only lasts a few minutes or days at most. After that, keeping yourself motivated and focused on the good stuff is all up to you. And it is definitely not easy- hell, the boring mundanities in life were designed to bring your spirit down. But then, that is where the challenge lies. You need to keep going back to that inspirational moment, and reliving it to remind yourself that all what is happening is good. I cannot tell you how many times I have written positive stuff like this on my blog, just so that I can inspire myself whenever I read it. This sine wave of emotions can get frustrating at times- the hope can feel fake and one tends to gravitate towards the negative because it feels more comforting and real. But I think the best way out of it is to think about what is going to help you move forward in life- the despair or the belief in good? And once you have identified that, just hang on to it and do not stop- EVER.

So, for possibly the ten-thousandth time in my life- I have made a list of fifteen goals I want to accomplish by the end of this year- some are long-term while others are short-term, so as not to overwhelm me too much! I do have a tendency to give up when things start getting a little difficult, which is why I have actually written this down on my blog this time. So that whenever I read this, I am reminded that I should really really really work towards checking them all off my list by December 2011 !!

May the force be with me! :D

When book covers lie..

I was reading the blog of a friend recently who I have known for about three years now- we are not exactly close, but I cannot call him just an acquaintance either. I have always had the impression that he is a happy-go-lucky kinda guy, whose predominant thoughts are similar to most guys in their 20's- sports, beer, girls, food, cars, Wii games and porn- I know that sounds very judgmental, but I am 95% it's true! :P So anyway, I came across his blog and expected posts of a similar nature. What surprised me was that he had in fact written about a lot of intense topics- thoughts of a very introspective nature, which he had obviously given a lot of thought and emotion to. Reading those posts made me realize how wrong I was in forming an opinion about him. If I hadn't read his blog, I would have probably never known he was even capable of thinking so deeply about life and its associated aspects. What surprised me even more is that he never showed this side of him to most people- I bet most of his friends don't even know he writes a blog.

Are a lot of us like this? Maybe on a very unconscious level, we end up adapting our external persona to the people around us, so that they would like us and want to be with us. Maybe man's innate need for social acceptance causes him to be less than true to his own nature. For example, you may have some strong views on religion, love, moral issues- topics that tend to be a little off-beat and controversial in some cases. If you know that your friend circle is not going to be receptive to your views, then you refrain from bringing up a discussion on it. Instead, you prefer talking about Sachin Tendulkar, the earthquake in Japan or Katrina Kaif's latest movie- topics that you know would make you seem "normal". :P That could be one of the reasons blogging or writing is so therapeutic- we have control over who reads what we write and hence, it eliminates the need to develop this facade around us. Of course, some of us are lucky enough to meet at least a few people in our life who we can be our honest, true self with- no judgment made, no opinions formed, no advice given unless asked for.

This is probably why we one of the earliest lessons we are taught in life are to never judge a book by its cover- or in this case, never judge a book until you have read it half-way through- you never know what surprises are going to spring up! Like in this case, I definitely have a new-found respect for this guy after reading his blog. Wouldn't life be so much simpler if human nature wasn't so complicated...

P.S.- Maybe just out of curiosity, I should ask some of my friends what they think of me after reading my blog- does it serve as an extension of who I portray myself to be externally, or does it reveal a completely different aspect of me too? Should be interesting to know if my blog surprises people.. :) Thoughts of readers are welcome..

Inspirational Sunday!

Found this quote on a new blogger friend's blog and I'm reproducing it here because something about this philosophy really resonates with my belief too..

“Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it’s right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it. You just might get the thing you’re wishing for. The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it. With all your heart.”

Isn't that just amazing?!?! :-)

Do we always make the most of what we have?

So this is going to be one of those other random thoughts that crept into my head a few days back.. I'm trying not to be so analytical about every thought that crosses my mind, but due to some reason- I can't make it stop! Lol.. Good thing about this new obsession is that it at least provides food for thought for new posts on the blog.. :D

So anyway- you know how the economic situation around in the world, and in the US, in particular, has been in the doldrums for some time now?! Of course you know it.. I think the recession has affected the lives of each and every one of us in some way or the other. So anyway, in such cases- one thing people always talk about is making the most of the options we have on hand. So gone are the days when we could afford to be picky about the kind of job we wanted to do, or the kind of company/city we wanted to work in. Of course, you always apply for a job profile you think would suit your qualifications and interests, but by and large, you take what you get *gratefully*, without complaining too much! So, a job in upstate NY?!- Sure; I hate the snow and desperately want to move away from here- but that can wait for later! For now, a job is a job!

And there's nothing wrong with that- I mean, life is about making the most of the cards that are dealt out to you, right? There's always this ring of fire each of one needs to go through- where we are finding our niche, moving an inch closer to financial and emotional freedom, setting the foundation right. Once that is done, we are free to make our choices and demand what we desire and deserve.

So, is it okay to do that with the other aspects of life too- like in relationships? Most people do not get the chance to tell the perfect story- families are imperfect, people are imperfect. In the case of family, it is something we cannot change. So making the most of the situation is the only way to deal with it. But what about friends and especially, a life partner? When we choose the person to spend our life with- do we usually wait for the right one to come along or do we make the most of what we have? And which option is the right one?

I know most people would like to believe in the former option- that they were patient and believed there was a right one and soon enough, he/she came into their life. But isn't there always this moment of desperation some of us face- this fear of what if, just what if there is no such right one?! Or maybe there is, but they cannot afford to wait. Like, moving back to the job scenario. You have a job in hand, which is not the one you always dreamed of- but it's not bad either. You know there is a job out there that is tailor-made for you, but your OPT status is to expire in a month! Would you take your chances and wait it out? Or would you grab the job at hand? Okay, so I know that real life has no such OPT status expiration date- but I hope you get the idea I am trying to project! :D

I guess all I'm wondering is- in friendships, relationships and even in marriages- both the love and arranged kind- the way I always thought it's supposed to be is that you go with your gut feeling. You just know when the people/person is right for you. But there are times when people opt for the practical approach and take what they get. And then make the most of it. Accept it gratefully and learn to be happy with what they have. Is it okay to do that? And is it being fair to the other person? The obvious black and white answer is an emphatic no, but as always, there exists that gray area where things are not always so clearly defined...

India, Love and Acceptance

I got back two weeks ago from the most wonderful trip to India. It was so amazing, it almost feels unreal.. :P I wanted to start the new year on my blog with a detailed post on the trip, but I'm sure I'm going to burst into tears when I start thinking about it. So maybe I'll talk about it when I'm a little more stable.



So this post is going to be about two random thoughts that have been hovering around my mind for the past few days-

The first thought is about love- I just realized a few days ago, how important a role love plays in life. I mean, there are so many segments to our lives- our careers, our social life, our personal hobbies and interests, our material possessions, our family, ambitions, spirituality. Somehow in all of this, love seems to dominate it all- and by love, I mean, the idea of having someone to come home to, or having someone to call your own. Of course, I understand that this is just a feeling- you can feel that comfort and security even with a close family member or friend or a pet. But not having that feeling is one of the worst feelings in the world, regardless of how abundant all other aspects of your life may be! I know that because for three months, I came home to an empty house with no furniture and a bowl of fish that belonged to my roommate, who was never there! When I could take it no more, I decided to go through the terrible process of moving all my stuff, just so that I was living in a house with people! :P I don't think this hype about love is a bad thing though- I know people talk of self-sufficiency and being independent and what not, and I know that that are important qualities to develop. But at times, it is okay to just let your guard down and allow yourself to be a little bit vulnerable. True, right?

Another thought that came across my mind this morning is about acceptance. Think about it- what is the most common advice people give you when things are not going your way? To just accept the reality and move on. Somehow, no one ever tells you to fight the circumstances and claim what is rightfully yours. I know that acceptance is supposed to be the path of least resistance and subsequently, faster happiness. But maybe that is not the case all the time. Maybe sometimes you need to stop accepting and start forming your own reality; believe that you too can deserve something that you saw only others get. It is a risky proposition for sure, but then again- in order to get success, you have to have the strength to face potential failure!

Reality

Most of the times, you never realize the value of what you had unless it is taken away from you.

Most people never know what they really want. They know what they would like to want, which is often a result of comparing themselves to someone else and hoping that they could be like them by having the same things. But each person defines happiness and satisfaction and ambition and love differently. What worked for you will very rarely work for me. And if only we knew that, we'd be able to value what we have a lot more. If only we knew ourselves better, we'd be able to ask for exactly what we want and recognize it clearly when we get it. And then, we'd do everything possible to keep it ours forever.

But if that were to happen, then life would be too simple.

So, we lose things. And we lose people. Because we think that what we have is not enough- we can get more. Sure, maybe we can. But is that what we truly want? Is more always good?

And then, as if to prove a point, you get -- more. You get what you thought you wanted. Only to realize that you don't want it anymore. That's not who you are. You want what you had. But, as always, it's too late.

Or is it? Can you go back to what you had? Is it okay to hope?

Humbled!

"Dear Suparna,

Congratulations! It has been an honor working with you on this project. Thank you for all your hard work and helping me to look smarter than I really am. I admire your skill, perseverance and unending patience with this absent-minded professor. I hope you found the experience worthwhile and I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
Welcome to the world of scholars!

Cheers, Jim"

When your thesis advisor gives you a gift and a card with the above message at the end of your defense, it is the most humbling feeling in the whole wide world! Here is an amazing advisor and guide, with years of experience, and who is absolutely brilliant in his field and he tells me that I made him look smart! I wanted to write a long, detailed post capturing what I went through in those 40 minutes and the feeling after. But I don't think I can ever have words to describe it!

Two days to D-Day

This is going to be a short one, since I have very limited time for distractions right now!

So my thesis defense is in two days- on December 2, 2010. I know there are hundreds of Masters students who defend their thesis every year, but it is always special and nerve-wrecking when you know it is going to be yours!

I get weird jolts every morning as I countdown to the D-Day and I feel optimistic on one hand, that all my hard work of the past 15 months is going to pay off. But on the other hand, there is also some amount of nervous energy, which I guess is natural! I have the first draft of the written document in my hand- 100 pages that basically encapsulate all the work I have done! Actually, I should change that- all the good work I have done. No one writes about their failed experiments and failed ideas..and believe me, there were so many of those! But then, as my professor says- that is research, and only you know what you took away from all those failures!

For now, I just hope everything goes fine on Thursday... It is one hour that I want to go by as peacefully as possible.. :)

Wish me luck, dear readers! :)

Attitude of Gratitude

This article isn't my creation- my mother's friend sent this as a forward to her. I loved it so much that I wanted to reproduce it on the blog, as a reminder to everyone out there to take five minutes everyday just to say "THANK-YOU" to the people who make a difference in your life...

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Appreciation : What to appreciate, When and How: an Important Lesson!

One young academically excellent person went  for  an interview for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the first interview; BUT in that Comapny, the director did the last interview, made the last decision. 

The director discovered from the CV,  that the youth's academic result was excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never was there  a year he did not score. The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarship in school?" and the youth answered "no". 

The director asked, " Did your father pay  your school fees?". The youth answered,  "my father passed away when I was one year old and  it was my mother who paid  my school fees". 

The director asked, " Where did your mother work?" the youth answered, "my mother worked as cloth cleaner." The director requested the youth to show his hands and the youth showed a pair of hands that was smooth and perfect to the director. 

The director asked, " Did you ever help your mother wash  clothes before?" The youth answered," never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books, furthermore, my mother could wash clothes faster than I could" 

The director said, I have a  request, when you go back today, go and help to clean your mother's hand, and then see me tomorrow morning. 

The youth felt that the  chance of landing the job was high and  when he went back, he happily wanted to clean his mother's hands. His mother felt strange. With  happiness  mixed with fear, she showed her hands to the kid. 

The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly and his tears fell as he did that.  It was the  first time he noticed that his mother's hands  were so wrinkled, and that  there were  so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful  that she  shuddered when his  mother's hands were cleaned with water. 

This is the first time that the youth realized and experienced that it is this pair of hands that washed the clothes every day to earn him the school fees and that the bruises in the mother's hand were the price that the mother paid for his graduation and academic excellence and probably his future. 

After finishing the cleaning of his mother's hands, the youth quietly washed  all the  remaining clothes for his mother. 

That night, the mother and son talked for a very long time. 

Next morning, the youth went to the director's office. The director noticed the tear in the youth's eye and asked: " Can you tell  what  you did and learnt yesterday in your house?" 

The youth answered, " I cleaned my mother's hands and also finished washing all the remaining clothes' 

The director asked, "Please tell me what you felt" 

The youth said:
"Number 1, I know what  appreciation is now'. Without my mother, I would not be successful today. 
Number 2, Now I know how to work together with my mother.  Only now do I  realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done.  
Number 3, I know the importance and value of family relationship."

The director said, " This is what I am asking, I want to recruit a person that can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the suffering of others to get things done, and a person that would not put money as his only goal in life to be my manager. You are hired. 

Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates, every employee worked diligently and as a team and the company improved tremendously. 

The Lessons from this anecdote:
A child who has been protected and habitually given whatever he needs,  develops "entitlement mentality" and always puts himself first. He is ignorant of his parents' efforts. When he starts work, he assumes every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the suffering of  his employees and always blame others. These kinds of people,  may/will achieve good results and  may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel a sense of achievement or satisfaction.  

If we happen to be this kind of (protective) parent, this is the time to ask the question- whether we  did/do love our kids or destroy them. 
-You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn to play the piano, watch a big screen TV but when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. 
-After a meal, let them wash their plate and bowl together with their brothers and sisters. 
-It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love and show them the  correct way.  
-You want them to understand that no matter how rich their parents are, one day they will grow old, become weak and that their hair too will grow grey,.

-The most important thing is for your kid to learn how to appreciate, experience and learn the effort and ability needed to work with others to get things done. They should also value, appreciate what the parents have done and love them for who they are!

A Few Good Blogs

One of the interesting after-effects of quitting Facebook is that now I use my blog as my window to the world- and in this case, my social world comprises of fellow blogger friends. In the past few days, whenever I crave for some FB-isque timepass, I check the latest updates on my blogroll and then navigate to other people's blogs through them and so on and so forth.. What is enjoyable about this is that I have come across such well-written, innovative and thought-provoking posts! Satisfies my craving for good reads and is definitely a lot more enriching than Facebooking! :P

So, I thought I should direct some of you to some of the posts/blogs I particularly liked..

1) Nupur just wrote the most amazing post today- I think women need posts like these to remind themselves how strong and capable they actually are. I mean, I did not ever have even an iota of doubt regarding this, but posts like these make you appreciate and respect yourself as a woman, a lot more! Hats off to us! :)
2) Sometimes even the most mundane happenings around our life can become food for an interesting blog. This article is a really hilarious take on how arranged marriages work in India. Another amusing story here.
3) I love this blog !!! Got some very insightful posts, some are very creative too- which is expected, given he just published his own book! But while on the topic of arranged marriages, I love this very filmy, but true story- It's not easy for a guy to write from a girl's point of view, but this guy has done it really really well.. (Requires guts to do that, too!)
4) I'm sure a lot of frequent bloggers know about Sayesha and her bar! :) She is probably the most vibrant girl I know- and I know her only through her blogposts! But they go the whole nine yards- from sport to movies (of course!) to family to work etc. Definitely worth spending some time!
5) This is the blog of a fellow COEP-ian. He was my junior and from another department, so I never knew him personally. But his blog has some very motivational and thought-provoking posts. Now, this guy is doing some big stuff at MIT and some of his posts are just accounts of his interactions with some rather influential people- those are definitely some good reads!

Well, that is it for now. I hope you enjoy some of them! I would have liked to put some technology/politics/world issues related stuff too- but somehow I never come across anything that makes an impact. If you do know any blogs focusing on these aspects, then please direct me to them.

High School Music

Okay, so I write this post at the risk of completely changing the image most of my friends and blog readers have had about me!

I have always been into music- played the synthesizer for about 5-6 years, dabbled in singing a bit, was in a "band" in school and engineering college. I do not have any particular influences as such because my interests have ranged from Indian and Western classical to hard rock and somehow, I still have favorites in each of these categories! What happened was that at different stages of my (rather short, but memorable) musical journey, I met people with such different interests, and each of them introduced a new dimension to my awareness. Like, my very first music teacher was into hardcore Carnatic music. My mom has always been more into Hindustani and was the one who introduced me to Marathi classics too! Chirag- who is one of my very good friends and the most amazing musician I know- is a huge fan of Yanni and I was addicted to his music at one point of time, thanks to Chiggy! The music class I went to in Pune focused more on Bollywood music and stuff.. Then, in my first few years of engineering- I got introduced to all kinds of rock music because of Nish- he also taught me to play a bit of drums! But the biggest constant through all these years has been my sister. She doesn't really sing or play any instrument- but she has always been into music of all kinds. Sometimes I'd wonder where she found out about all these songs! So my tastes in music have probably been concurrent with what her current favorites were. Of course, then- it is no surprise that there was a point of time when all we used to listen to was Britney Spears! I mean, she was a big thing when my sister was in her pre-teens !! Then, I remember this time when she was obsessed with High School Musical- when it released- like a zillion years ago!

So we had this ritual okay- my mom, sis and I would have lunch every afternoon (on holidays and weekends)- and then mom would go off to work and she and I would be "allowed" an hour of break time (Well, if you have a teacher mom, you understand what I mean! :P). So in that one hour, we'd watch either some serial episodes or part of a movie on the computer. Most of the time, my sis would decide what we watch. So she'd download some stuff on Limewire and Napster (it was free then!). She was the one who introduced me to Friends- I used to think it was cliched and sexist before she had me hooked! She also made me see movies like Bend it like Beckham and of course, High School Musical!

So what's the point of all this?! Well, so turns out I haven't updated my iPod playlist in yeeaaarrrsss... So even though it is the end of 2010, I still have some HSM songs on there, which happened to come up this morning in the shuffle list thingy! I couldn't help but smile when I heard some of those songs- remembered all those times when we used to actually learn the lyrics and try to imitate the scenes and stuff !! Yeahhh well, we still do that sometimes- what's life without a little goofiness eh! :P

So this goes out to my lil' sis who is unfortunately not so lil' any more! :)



Remember the days when we believed with all our heart and honesty that we'd grow up and do something so "different" from what everyone else was doing and believed that the guy who was our "best friend", would end up becoming the love of our life !! Ahhh...the good times! :D:D

Notes

1. Exactly a month from today, I will be in India !!! I cannot wait! I know I am luckier than most students because I have got the chance to go to India every Christmas since I arrived in the US- but this time's trip is more valued because for the first time, I have a crazy, maddening urge to see my parents. I saw my mom six months ago during her trip here, but I think I have never missed her more. So much has happened in the past two months and I think we as a family, have been trying to get over things just through conversations over the telephone. I really really need to feel my parents' physical presence and support around me.
2. Point 1 brings me to my second point- It's funny how you realize the value of every friend and family member when times get a little difficult. In the past two months, I have been at my communicative best with my friends, some of whom I haven't spoken to in over 3 years- got in touch with so many of them, and it sure feels good! I intend to keep it that way.. :)
3. I have also realized how some people can get so superficial- people you thought you could bank on at any time of day. This has been one of my biggest lessons since coming to the US, but I think this warrants a separate post.
4. Three weeks from today, I will be done with my thesis defense! D-O-N-E !!! Yesterday, my thesis advisor asked me how it felt. I told him I couldn't believe it was over! O-V-E-R !! Work that have been doing since March 2009 is finally coming to an end!
5. Before I rejoice over point 4, one of the biggest things I need to do in the next three weeks is write my document and funnily enough, this time writing isn't coming easily to me! I think I should seriously consider Gauri's advice of treating it like an 8 hour job and just getting it done with, once and for all!
6. Even though things didn't go as planned on some fronts of my life recently, there are still so many other things that have gone way better than I thought they would. I am a person who believes in signs and if the signs of the past few weeks are anything to go by- then I am grateful and thankful to God. I know things are changing for the better! I can feel it. Amen.
7. I also believe in jinxes- which is why I hate people telling me that I am lucky or constantly talking about any minor successes or good things that come my way! It scares me. I know it is paranoia, but I have had some experiences which have made me believe in these things.
8. I am so tired of living alone- I think that has made the past few months a lot worse than they should have been. I cannot wait to live with some people and have a social life again... :P
9. Another thing that is funny is how you realize so many things about yourself in times of adversity. Even things that were glaringly obvious in the past, but you never chose to pay attention to them. I seriously think that if we really believe in this, getting over difficult times becomes a lot easier.
10. I have been off Facebook for three weeks now- for multiple reasons which I do not wish to get into. But I don't miss it now at all! I did have withdrawal symptoms for the initial few days (sigh!), but now I am happy to be away from all social networking stuff! It gives me more time to do productive things. I think I'll be back though, just because it's a good way to keep in touch with some school friends living in other countries- maybe after 3-4 months.

Back to some thesis writing now.. :)