India, Love and Acceptance

I got back two weeks ago from the most wonderful trip to India. It was so amazing, it almost feels unreal.. :P I wanted to start the new year on my blog with a detailed post on the trip, but I'm sure I'm going to burst into tears when I start thinking about it. So maybe I'll talk about it when I'm a little more stable.



So this post is going to be about two random thoughts that have been hovering around my mind for the past few days-

The first thought is about love- I just realized a few days ago, how important a role love plays in life. I mean, there are so many segments to our lives- our careers, our social life, our personal hobbies and interests, our material possessions, our family, ambitions, spirituality. Somehow in all of this, love seems to dominate it all- and by love, I mean, the idea of having someone to come home to, or having someone to call your own. Of course, I understand that this is just a feeling- you can feel that comfort and security even with a close family member or friend or a pet. But not having that feeling is one of the worst feelings in the world, regardless of how abundant all other aspects of your life may be! I know that because for three months, I came home to an empty house with no furniture and a bowl of fish that belonged to my roommate, who was never there! When I could take it no more, I decided to go through the terrible process of moving all my stuff, just so that I was living in a house with people! :P I don't think this hype about love is a bad thing though- I know people talk of self-sufficiency and being independent and what not, and I know that that are important qualities to develop. But at times, it is okay to just let your guard down and allow yourself to be a little bit vulnerable. True, right?

Another thought that came across my mind this morning is about acceptance. Think about it- what is the most common advice people give you when things are not going your way? To just accept the reality and move on. Somehow, no one ever tells you to fight the circumstances and claim what is rightfully yours. I know that acceptance is supposed to be the path of least resistance and subsequently, faster happiness. But maybe that is not the case all the time. Maybe sometimes you need to stop accepting and start forming your own reality; believe that you too can deserve something that you saw only others get. It is a risky proposition for sure, but then again- in order to get success, you have to have the strength to face potential failure!

Reality

Most of the times, you never realize the value of what you had unless it is taken away from you.

Most people never know what they really want. They know what they would like to want, which is often a result of comparing themselves to someone else and hoping that they could be like them by having the same things. But each person defines happiness and satisfaction and ambition and love differently. What worked for you will very rarely work for me. And if only we knew that, we'd be able to value what we have a lot more. If only we knew ourselves better, we'd be able to ask for exactly what we want and recognize it clearly when we get it. And then, we'd do everything possible to keep it ours forever.

But if that were to happen, then life would be too simple.

So, we lose things. And we lose people. Because we think that what we have is not enough- we can get more. Sure, maybe we can. But is that what we truly want? Is more always good?

And then, as if to prove a point, you get -- more. You get what you thought you wanted. Only to realize that you don't want it anymore. That's not who you are. You want what you had. But, as always, it's too late.

Or is it? Can you go back to what you had? Is it okay to hope?

Humbled!

"Dear Suparna,

Congratulations! It has been an honor working with you on this project. Thank you for all your hard work and helping me to look smarter than I really am. I admire your skill, perseverance and unending patience with this absent-minded professor. I hope you found the experience worthwhile and I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
Welcome to the world of scholars!

Cheers, Jim"

When your thesis advisor gives you a gift and a card with the above message at the end of your defense, it is the most humbling feeling in the whole wide world! Here is an amazing advisor and guide, with years of experience, and who is absolutely brilliant in his field and he tells me that I made him look smart! I wanted to write a long, detailed post capturing what I went through in those 40 minutes and the feeling after. But I don't think I can ever have words to describe it!

Two days to D-Day

This is going to be a short one, since I have very limited time for distractions right now!

So my thesis defense is in two days- on December 2, 2010. I know there are hundreds of Masters students who defend their thesis every year, but it is always special and nerve-wrecking when you know it is going to be yours!

I get weird jolts every morning as I countdown to the D-Day and I feel optimistic on one hand, that all my hard work of the past 15 months is going to pay off. But on the other hand, there is also some amount of nervous energy, which I guess is natural! I have the first draft of the written document in my hand- 100 pages that basically encapsulate all the work I have done! Actually, I should change that- all the good work I have done. No one writes about their failed experiments and failed ideas..and believe me, there were so many of those! But then, as my professor says- that is research, and only you know what you took away from all those failures!

For now, I just hope everything goes fine on Thursday... It is one hour that I want to go by as peacefully as possible.. :)

Wish me luck, dear readers! :)

Attitude of Gratitude

This article isn't my creation- my mother's friend sent this as a forward to her. I loved it so much that I wanted to reproduce it on the blog, as a reminder to everyone out there to take five minutes everyday just to say "THANK-YOU" to the people who make a difference in your life...

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Appreciation : What to appreciate, When and How: an Important Lesson!

One young academically excellent person went  for  an interview for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the first interview; BUT in that Comapny, the director did the last interview, made the last decision. 

The director discovered from the CV,  that the youth's academic result was excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never was there  a year he did not score. The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarship in school?" and the youth answered "no". 

The director asked, " Did your father pay  your school fees?". The youth answered,  "my father passed away when I was one year old and  it was my mother who paid  my school fees". 

The director asked, " Where did your mother work?" the youth answered, "my mother worked as cloth cleaner." The director requested the youth to show his hands and the youth showed a pair of hands that was smooth and perfect to the director. 

The director asked, " Did you ever help your mother wash  clothes before?" The youth answered," never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books, furthermore, my mother could wash clothes faster than I could" 

The director said, I have a  request, when you go back today, go and help to clean your mother's hand, and then see me tomorrow morning. 

The youth felt that the  chance of landing the job was high and  when he went back, he happily wanted to clean his mother's hands. His mother felt strange. With  happiness  mixed with fear, she showed her hands to the kid. 

The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly and his tears fell as he did that.  It was the  first time he noticed that his mother's hands  were so wrinkled, and that  there were  so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful  that she  shuddered when his  mother's hands were cleaned with water. 

This is the first time that the youth realized and experienced that it is this pair of hands that washed the clothes every day to earn him the school fees and that the bruises in the mother's hand were the price that the mother paid for his graduation and academic excellence and probably his future. 

After finishing the cleaning of his mother's hands, the youth quietly washed  all the  remaining clothes for his mother. 

That night, the mother and son talked for a very long time. 

Next morning, the youth went to the director's office. The director noticed the tear in the youth's eye and asked: " Can you tell  what  you did and learnt yesterday in your house?" 

The youth answered, " I cleaned my mother's hands and also finished washing all the remaining clothes' 

The director asked, "Please tell me what you felt" 

The youth said:
"Number 1, I know what  appreciation is now'. Without my mother, I would not be successful today. 
Number 2, Now I know how to work together with my mother.  Only now do I  realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done.  
Number 3, I know the importance and value of family relationship."

The director said, " This is what I am asking, I want to recruit a person that can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the suffering of others to get things done, and a person that would not put money as his only goal in life to be my manager. You are hired. 

Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates, every employee worked diligently and as a team and the company improved tremendously. 

The Lessons from this anecdote:
A child who has been protected and habitually given whatever he needs,  develops "entitlement mentality" and always puts himself first. He is ignorant of his parents' efforts. When he starts work, he assumes every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the suffering of  his employees and always blame others. These kinds of people,  may/will achieve good results and  may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel a sense of achievement or satisfaction.  

If we happen to be this kind of (protective) parent, this is the time to ask the question- whether we  did/do love our kids or destroy them. 
-You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn to play the piano, watch a big screen TV but when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. 
-After a meal, let them wash their plate and bowl together with their brothers and sisters. 
-It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love and show them the  correct way.  
-You want them to understand that no matter how rich their parents are, one day they will grow old, become weak and that their hair too will grow grey,.

-The most important thing is for your kid to learn how to appreciate, experience and learn the effort and ability needed to work with others to get things done. They should also value, appreciate what the parents have done and love them for who they are!

A Few Good Blogs

One of the interesting after-effects of quitting Facebook is that now I use my blog as my window to the world- and in this case, my social world comprises of fellow blogger friends. In the past few days, whenever I crave for some FB-isque timepass, I check the latest updates on my blogroll and then navigate to other people's blogs through them and so on and so forth.. What is enjoyable about this is that I have come across such well-written, innovative and thought-provoking posts! Satisfies my craving for good reads and is definitely a lot more enriching than Facebooking! :P

So, I thought I should direct some of you to some of the posts/blogs I particularly liked..

1) Nupur just wrote the most amazing post today- I think women need posts like these to remind themselves how strong and capable they actually are. I mean, I did not ever have even an iota of doubt regarding this, but posts like these make you appreciate and respect yourself as a woman, a lot more! Hats off to us! :)
2) Sometimes even the most mundane happenings around our life can become food for an interesting blog. This article is a really hilarious take on how arranged marriages work in India. Another amusing story here.
3) I love this blog !!! Got some very insightful posts, some are very creative too- which is expected, given he just published his own book! But while on the topic of arranged marriages, I love this very filmy, but true story- It's not easy for a guy to write from a girl's point of view, but this guy has done it really really well.. (Requires guts to do that, too!)
4) I'm sure a lot of frequent bloggers know about Sayesha and her bar! :) She is probably the most vibrant girl I know- and I know her only through her blogposts! But they go the whole nine yards- from sport to movies (of course!) to family to work etc. Definitely worth spending some time!
5) This is the blog of a fellow COEP-ian. He was my junior and from another department, so I never knew him personally. But his blog has some very motivational and thought-provoking posts. Now, this guy is doing some big stuff at MIT and some of his posts are just accounts of his interactions with some rather influential people- those are definitely some good reads!

Well, that is it for now. I hope you enjoy some of them! I would have liked to put some technology/politics/world issues related stuff too- but somehow I never come across anything that makes an impact. If you do know any blogs focusing on these aspects, then please direct me to them.

High School Music

Okay, so I write this post at the risk of completely changing the image most of my friends and blog readers have had about me!

I have always been into music- played the synthesizer for about 5-6 years, dabbled in singing a bit, was in a "band" in school and engineering college. I do not have any particular influences as such because my interests have ranged from Indian and Western classical to hard rock and somehow, I still have favorites in each of these categories! What happened was that at different stages of my (rather short, but memorable) musical journey, I met people with such different interests, and each of them introduced a new dimension to my awareness. Like, my very first music teacher was into hardcore Carnatic music. My mom has always been more into Hindustani and was the one who introduced me to Marathi classics too! Chirag- who is one of my very good friends and the most amazing musician I know- is a huge fan of Yanni and I was addicted to his music at one point of time, thanks to Chiggy! The music class I went to in Pune focused more on Bollywood music and stuff.. Then, in my first few years of engineering- I got introduced to all kinds of rock music because of Nish- he also taught me to play a bit of drums! But the biggest constant through all these years has been my sister. She doesn't really sing or play any instrument- but she has always been into music of all kinds. Sometimes I'd wonder where she found out about all these songs! So my tastes in music have probably been concurrent with what her current favorites were. Of course, then- it is no surprise that there was a point of time when all we used to listen to was Britney Spears! I mean, she was a big thing when my sister was in her pre-teens !! Then, I remember this time when she was obsessed with High School Musical- when it released- like a zillion years ago!

So we had this ritual okay- my mom, sis and I would have lunch every afternoon (on holidays and weekends)- and then mom would go off to work and she and I would be "allowed" an hour of break time (Well, if you have a teacher mom, you understand what I mean! :P). So in that one hour, we'd watch either some serial episodes or part of a movie on the computer. Most of the time, my sis would decide what we watch. So she'd download some stuff on Limewire and Napster (it was free then!). She was the one who introduced me to Friends- I used to think it was cliched and sexist before she had me hooked! She also made me see movies like Bend it like Beckham and of course, High School Musical!

So what's the point of all this?! Well, so turns out I haven't updated my iPod playlist in yeeaaarrrsss... So even though it is the end of 2010, I still have some HSM songs on there, which happened to come up this morning in the shuffle list thingy! I couldn't help but smile when I heard some of those songs- remembered all those times when we used to actually learn the lyrics and try to imitate the scenes and stuff !! Yeahhh well, we still do that sometimes- what's life without a little goofiness eh! :P

So this goes out to my lil' sis who is unfortunately not so lil' any more! :)



Remember the days when we believed with all our heart and honesty that we'd grow up and do something so "different" from what everyone else was doing and believed that the guy who was our "best friend", would end up becoming the love of our life !! Ahhh...the good times! :D:D

Notes

1. Exactly a month from today, I will be in India !!! I cannot wait! I know I am luckier than most students because I have got the chance to go to India every Christmas since I arrived in the US- but this time's trip is more valued because for the first time, I have a crazy, maddening urge to see my parents. I saw my mom six months ago during her trip here, but I think I have never missed her more. So much has happened in the past two months and I think we as a family, have been trying to get over things just through conversations over the telephone. I really really need to feel my parents' physical presence and support around me.
2. Point 1 brings me to my second point- It's funny how you realize the value of every friend and family member when times get a little difficult. In the past two months, I have been at my communicative best with my friends, some of whom I haven't spoken to in over 3 years- got in touch with so many of them, and it sure feels good! I intend to keep it that way.. :)
3. I have also realized how some people can get so superficial- people you thought you could bank on at any time of day. This has been one of my biggest lessons since coming to the US, but I think this warrants a separate post.
4. Three weeks from today, I will be done with my thesis defense! D-O-N-E !!! Yesterday, my thesis advisor asked me how it felt. I told him I couldn't believe it was over! O-V-E-R !! Work that have been doing since March 2009 is finally coming to an end!
5. Before I rejoice over point 4, one of the biggest things I need to do in the next three weeks is write my document and funnily enough, this time writing isn't coming easily to me! I think I should seriously consider Gauri's advice of treating it like an 8 hour job and just getting it done with, once and for all!
6. Even though things didn't go as planned on some fronts of my life recently, there are still so many other things that have gone way better than I thought they would. I am a person who believes in signs and if the signs of the past few weeks are anything to go by- then I am grateful and thankful to God. I know things are changing for the better! I can feel it. Amen.
7. I also believe in jinxes- which is why I hate people telling me that I am lucky or constantly talking about any minor successes or good things that come my way! It scares me. I know it is paranoia, but I have had some experiences which have made me believe in these things.
8. I am so tired of living alone- I think that has made the past few months a lot worse than they should have been. I cannot wait to live with some people and have a social life again... :P
9. Another thing that is funny is how you realize so many things about yourself in times of adversity. Even things that were glaringly obvious in the past, but you never chose to pay attention to them. I seriously think that if we really believe in this, getting over difficult times becomes a lot easier.
10. I have been off Facebook for three weeks now- for multiple reasons which I do not wish to get into. But I don't miss it now at all! I did have withdrawal symptoms for the initial few days (sigh!), but now I am happy to be away from all social networking stuff! It gives me more time to do productive things. I think I'll be back though, just because it's a good way to keep in touch with some school friends living in other countries- maybe after 3-4 months.

Back to some thesis writing now.. :)

Happy Diwali !!

Happy Diwali to all my amazing friends and readers of this blog! Wishing you a year full of lights, prosperity, happiness and success.. :-):-)

Diwali is my most favorite festival of all time. Not that I don't like other festivals, but there are some occasions that resonate more joy than others- Diwali is one of them for me. Like I know Ganesh Chaturthi is a big deal in Maharashtra, but some how it has never been a very big deal in my family because we never kept Ganpati at home. I like Dussera too, but somehow the excuse to light lamps and Lakshmi Pujan and everything just make Diwali a lot more festive for me! Surprisingly again, while most people like Diwali for the faaral, it was again never a big thing in my family. My grandmother would make some faraal type items, but my mom was always so busy around this time of year that she had time to only make one sweet or something like that.. And to be frank, that was completely fine with all of us in my family. We still had such a good time getting together and celebrating!

Obviously, such days make me miss my family even more. It's funny how every family has these peculiar stories associated with certain traditions or days. My family is not very ritualistic- I mean, my grandparents are, but my parents' generation downwards is ritualistic to an extent. We do all that is needed to be done, but suitably modify it to our comfort level- which I think is a good sign of evolution. My extended family consists of 14 people in all- 8 adults and 6 children- which is quite okay compared to those Big Indian Family standards! So, every Diwali day, we all gather at my grandparents' house for the aarti.. And we're talking like 5 AM! Of course, even though we all stay within a 3 mile radius, we always end up getting late to reach their place and eventually can start the aarti only by 6 AM or so! At home, mom is yelling at my sister and me to put on a bindi and some jewelery, which we never want to do! My grandfather gets agitated coz we're all late, but eventually everyone gathers around the small little devghar they have and start singing the bhajans (which I don't think any of us cousins know! :P) Finally, about an hour later, we're done with everything. We all ask for out elders' blessings and the usual hugs and wishes follow! :D

Then, we have another ceremony where the women in the family are supposed to perform aarti for all the men and then the men do the same for the women. Now, I don't know what this part of the ritual is called and why it is done, but it's always nice for the women coz that's when they get loads of cash as a Diwali gift! :P This is again a hilarious ceremony. First and foremost, out of the 7 men in the family, 3 are kids (my cousins), so getting them to gather in the living room is one big task! Meanwhile my grandmother is bustling around the kitchen getting the puja ki thali ready, coz frankly speaking, she's the only one who does this ceremony with all seriousness! So finally, the aarti begins. Now in India, when performing the aarti, you are supposed to sing a hymn or song too. We, being from Karnataka, sing a Kannada song- which again only my grandmother knows the lyrics too! But this is the song she's been singing for centuries now, so we (my mom, aunts, sister) kinda know the distorted Kannada words and the rhythm- so we just sing along with her, basically messing it up more than required! And of course, this is accompanied by a lot of laughter and very amused expressions on the men's faces, demanding a more sincere aarti from the womenfolk! :P

So anyway, the aarti is done, the thali is full of money and now it's time for the men to repeat the same thing for us. This part of the ceremony is a lot funnier because well, the guys don't know what they're supposed to do! And my grandfather cannot participate actively because he cannot stand for long without support. So he sits on his "throne" in the living room, presiding over the function and giving out instructions to the others. The men mess up the aarti song even more and apply huge tikas on our foreheads with their giant hands and it's all one big laughter riot! Finally, the ceremony is complete and everyone heads to the dining room to eat the faraal my grandmother has laid out on the table.

It's funny that this is the part of Diwali I miss a lot because to be frank, it is just something we do because our grandparents want us too- none of us understand the significance of it all! But still, it is one of those unique family bonding things- it makes us all come together at 6 AM on a weekend morning and laugh and be merry! And frankly speaking, even though we stay so close by, it is only occasions like these which cause the 14 of us to gather under one roof..

At nights, we are all in our separate houses, getting ready for the Lakshmi Pujan- my mom gets out all the jewelery and does the prep work. The actual puja is pretty short- maybe 30 minutes at the most. The beautiful star shaped aakashkandil is burning outside our house. Finally, my sister and I go outside and light lamps around the whole house- in the windows, at the doorstep. The whole housing community is filled with such pretty lamps and lanterns- truly like the festival of lights! We have never burst firecrackers during Diwali because it's harmful to the environment and is a waste of money. And most importantly, we have a cat who gets petrified of crackers, so we'd never make it worse for him! And that is it- we all just spend the evening chatting or watching a movie or taking family pictures!

Sometimes I wonder what will happen when my grandparents are gone- will we all meet again on Diwali morning for the aarti? Will all of us even be in the same city/country- coz I've already missed two Diwalis now! I guess my mom will carry forward the tradition coz after my grandmother, she seems to be most inclined towards these rituals. And besides, I think when you grow up watching these rituals, then you gravitate towards them without realizing it. Like for example, my mom always says that you're not supposed to leave your house dark and empty on the night of Lakshmi Pujan and so on instinct, I refused to go out with my friends last night coz the idea of leaving my apartment empty was unacceptable to me. It has become a part of my belief system now- regardless of whether it's true or not..

I guess for now, I thank God for all those wonderful memories! This has been a very quiet Diwali for me- I went to school in the morning (wore a salwar kameez after months, which was enjoyable!), got a small box of sweets from an Indian store, did a quick Lakshmi Puja in the evening and then lit a whole bunch of scented tealight candles all over my room. I had a long conversation with my family and got to speak to a childhood friend who I had not spoken to for more than 15 years and chatted with a few other friends online. I was happy and content. This is Diwali, just the way I like it! :)

Attraversiamo !!!

There is a lot of construction work going on an RIT for the past few months. Because of that, the usual route I take to go from the Industrial Engineering department (where I belong) to the Color Science building (where I do my thesis) has been blocked, forcing me to take an extra long road through the Quality department. Now, on my long walk, I also pass by the Center for Access Studies. For the past month, every time I pass through those corridors, I find this amazing bumper sticker on every professor's office door- "Don't postpone JOY". It is written in bright purple with the most exuberant font ever! Every time I see it, I smile- I don't know why, but I have always loved that sticker- such a simple message, yet so powerful.

Today, I managed to get one of those stickers for myself. I plan to paste it on my wall- directly above the makeshift mandir in my room. The reason I decided to put it there is so that I can see it every day and remind myself that nothing/no-one is worth my happiness and peace of mind.

I don't want to get too philosophical, but the past few days have been sort of a glaring revelation for me. I have been thinking a lot, contemplating on various issues- past and present. And I realize how easy it is for a person to join his happiness to that of another person.

If you're happy, I'm happy.
If you're sad, I'm sad.
Why?

I know we all are social beings and that is definitely a good thing- but it does not mean we wait for someone else to give us happiness. Dependence is good, but only as long as you don't make it your slave. I think I've been spending some time lately, really thinking about what I want to do, what I would feel happy doing! And even though I may not have all the answers, just devoting this time to myself gives me a very big sense of accomplishment. I think I am about to bring in some very big changes in my thinking and my belief system. And they are all changes for the better. It is going to be a slow, gradual process with every possibility of me reverting to my old self- but I think just writing it down here makes it seem a lot more serious. It feels like a pact I've made with myself. Which brings me to the title of my post- Attraversiamo is an Italian word I came across in Eat, Pray, Love. It means "to cross over", actually in the sense of crossing a road. But just like Elizabeth Gilbert, I prefer to take its more cosmic meaning of moving over to a better side- transformation!

Being 25 is sexy... :D:D

So the last few posts have been a little too serious and definitely not the type of stuff this blog is used to seeing. Well, it has been a slightly tough time and I guess I was using the blog to vent out my frustrations. But thankfully, some old and new friends have very successfully managed to show me the lighter, brighter, happier side of life and so to commemorate that- here is a positive post! :)

So, I am from the batch of 1985 and so all of us from this super-awesome batch turned 25 this year. Some (like me) passed through the golden doors much earlier this year, whereas a few others are heading that way over the next two months of 2010. Nonetheless, you know this whole hype around turning 25 right- silver jubilee, quarter life crisis, time to settle down, career, marriage blah blah blah... To be frank, it's just like any other birthday- you get a year older, but you still essentially remain the same person. It's not like the moment the clock turns 12, you undergo this magical transformation where your purpose in life becomes crystal clear and you attain this new found respect for life unknown to you before. Sure, there are changes- like a dear friend discovered on his 25th birthday- his tolerance for alcohol was no longer as strong as it was when he was 18! :-(

So anyway, with all this negative vibe going around turning 25, it was pretty heartening to see an amazingly cheerful birthday wish from one friend to another on her 25th birthday. I'm quoting from her Facebook page-

"You have successfully reached the first major summit! The view is fabulous from this point and I hear it gets better every year!"

I was so happy when I read this message- reminded me that just because I turned 25 doesn't mean that there is some imaginary deadline staring at me in the face! I partly blame our parents for this though- they somehow are still living in this 80's era where 25 was the then 35 !! :P And what is worse is that this weird rule applies more to girls than guys.. I mean, I don't see parents of 25-year old guys asking them about when they want to settle down.. Then why us girls?! Hamein bhi toh apni zindagi jeene do..

So anyways, I've decided to stop worrying for now. Life sucks and is crappy and is unfair and is dark and twisty and is full of a**holes- Agreed. But it is still a gift and I am going to try and cherish it from now on. :D:D

With this happy thought, I begin another crazy week... :D

The "What If..." Saga

Regrets.

Life is always full of regrets. I think people who say they're happy with every decision they've made in life or are satisfied with the way their life has turned out to be, are on a dose of Prozac or something... :P How many times have we let our minds wander away with thoughts of "What if X had happened instead of Y..."

The worst thing is that, often, the way our life turns out is not entirely dependent on us. The choices we make can never be for our individual desires alone. Somehow, our mind is conditioned to think of others' happiness, to put our family and friends before us, even if that means a little bit of sacrifice on our part. And then there are times when people think it's okay to take our lives in their hands and turn it upside-down AND inside-out and then hand it back to us! The problem with choices is that it's not always easy to distinguish the right from the wrong. You know that story where the author tells you that the path that seems more difficult is often the right one? Well, what do you do when you cannot determine what the more difficult path is? When both seem equally tough, or equally easy...

What if...
What if I had not moved back to India..
What if I had told you what I wanted instead of taking the beaten road..
What if I had left chapter 2 for option instead of chapter 4..
What if I had told you what happened immediately, instead of waiting for things to worsen six months later..
What if he had been in a good mood that day, instead of the foul mood is always is in..
What if I had gone to another university, instead of running after that scholarship..
What if I had not been a frequent user of Gtalk..
What if you had been honest with me from the start, instead of choosing not to speak..
What if we had never gone for that walk that day...
What if I had said "I'm not done fighting for this" instead of "Okay"..
What if you had said "I don't want to give up" instead of "Good-bye"..
What if you had realized you took a hasty decision two days later..
What if...

The problem with the 'what if's' is that they are like little threads of hope. You want to continue hanging on to them because you believe that life will give you a chance some day to relive that moment again. And when that chance comes, you will correct what you (think you) have wronged. Unfortunately though, the brutal truth is that such moments come only to a very very lucky few! And the second brutal truth is that unless you let go of the 'what if's', you can never truly move on..

I guess the thing about choices is that they were never meant to be easy- unless it's a choice between ice-cream and fruit! :P But you have to make them anyway, all the time! No amount of fretting for days and thinking things through can prepare you for the moment you make that one final decision. During such times, the best thing to do is always to take a deep breath and trust your instincts- and pray like hell, that you have the strength to face the music that follows!

Besides, I think in the long run, you learn to deal with the repercussions better. You learn to let go faster. And you learn to look for the silver lining everywhere you go.. Except for those choices that change your life forever. Such choices always linger on, somewhere at the back of your mind.. You try to forget them, to lock them up in a tiny box, but the scars always remind you of those times. When that happens, you should also remember that they were wounds of victory, not defeat...

The Big Cosmic Question

I've often wondered about this often-discussed concept of fate, destiny, karma etc etc. What exactly is true- Is everything predestined or do we have some amount of control over what happens in our lives? Now I know every human on this planet who has gone through life, has an opinion on this question- and I'd love to hear what you think! That's what the comments section is for! :D But you see, I haven't posted an article on this blog for a year now, so the likelihood of someone reading this post and actually commenting is pretty minuscule.. :P So, for now, I'm going to jot down my two cents on this concept..

Well, for starters, the reason I have always wondered about this issue is because of my mom. You see, she's been through the whole spectrum- from being a die-hard believer in horoscopes, numerology, even tarot, to having mellowed down over the past few years to a more balanced approach towards life. So every time anyone is going through a rough phase, she doesn't shy away from using her experiences to jostle them back to the harsh reality that is life! Of course, I mean this in a good way! :) Secondly, it helps when you have friends who have very interesting takes on the subject too..

So coming back- There was a point in my life when the eternal truth I believed in was that 'good things happen to good people'. And so, be good to all, be honest and sincere and always have integrity (which is the biggest virtue in the world, according to me). Of course, this was a time when the biggest problems in my life were not getting a 90 in English and the guy sitting on the 4th bench in class not smiling at me.. :P Over time, a lot of bigger problems took their place. During such frustrating times, my mom always told me that all things happen for a reason. This may seem like the worst thing that could ever happen to you at that point of time, but this phase is going to make you stronger so that you can deal with worse things when you get older. My mom always visited these funny astrologers, and tried out numerous pujas and stones and everything to try to avert the "bad stuff", but I participated with her only to keep her happy, not because I believed in it. I still do not believe in people who claim to have the powers to predict my future- I do not believe any human being is so gifted. And the amazing thing is that, over the years, my mom stopped believing in such people too! Another thing that changed is that now, I have an opinion on what life is about. I don't say it is universal or that it is true, but it is something that my life has taught me and it is something that helps me live better.

You see, something very interesting happened many years ago. There came a point in my life when I began to act completely out of character. Of course, at that point of time, it seemed perfectly natural and also felt like good-natured rebellion. But when I think of it now, it was so so anti-me! Without getting down to the gory details, lets just say that I was digging a big, huge hole for myself. And I could see that I was digging this hole and knew I should stop. But I just couldn't! The realization of what I had done struck when I was buried so deep that I didn't know how to come back.. It seems so foolish and immature when I think of that time right now, but it was definitely not so funny then. Let's just say that it took me a long time to get out of that sh*t, but I came out of it and washed myself clean.. :P Even today, whenever I think back on what happened, I only wonder what had come over me that made me behave so uncharacteristically! One of the plausible explanations I have is the famous Master Oogway line- "'Often, the steps we take to avoid destiny, lead us to it..'

Yup, regardless of what people may say or think, I do believe that destiny has some role to play in our life. There are some things in our life we have no control over. Incidents happen when you least expect them to, even when you think you've done all the right things! This does not mean you throw your hands in the air and just stroll through life. It is your job to take something away from everything that happens in life- the good and the bad stuff. When something good happens, you appreciate the goodness in life and learn to value what you have. And when things go against your wishes- you learn to deal with it and make the most of it. I am not a religions person, but I do believe in the existence of someone out there who is looking out for me. And I know that he is constantly trying to filter out the bad stuff from my life and that he is going to connect the dots somehow. You remember that crappy situation I mentioned earlier? Well, something good came out of that too. I may have gone through the worst two years of my life, but in the end, I got a chance to mend some very crucial relationships. I got the chance to value what I had been given and I definitely would not have been here today had I not realized this. So you see..it took four years, but the dots connected.

So, where does this leave us with the good = good equation?! You ever heard of the saying 'what goes around, comes around?! Well, it's true !!! So you do good, so that you can build positive relationships in life. When your destiny lands you in a bowl of crap, you are going to need people to help you out of it. And the only way people will respect you, is if you respect them. You do good because you want to do good, not because life is a balance sheet!

What is important is that you push through the bad stuff and believe that some good is about to come. The only thing constant in life is change and so why waste time worrying, right?! Watch reruns of Friends and Scrubs, read books, paint, read this article, reconnect with old friends, travel and take exciting classes- do anything, but push through it! And keep faith in the good things in life- friends who value you no matter what, a family that loves you no matter what, and a purpose in life that keeps you going no matter what.. :)

My mom sent me these lines from a book she reads quite a lot nowadays- The Secret. It is a bit cheesy, but I think this really summarizes a lot of what I've been trying to pen down-

So often, when things change in our lives, we have such a resistance to the change. This is because when people see a big change appearing, they are often fearful that it is something bad. But it is important to remember that when something big changes in our lives, it means something better is coming. There cannot be a vacuum in the Universe, and so as something moves out, something must come in and replace it. When change comes, relax, have total faith, and know that the change is ALL GOOD. Something more magnificent is coming to you!

There's a Stranger in my House

I'm about to enter the last lap of my life as a grad student in an American university, and in addition to that, I'm about to turn the BIG 25 very soon (in less than a week, actually.. :P), so as a result, I'm in a very contemplative mood for the past few days.. No, it's not the whole "quarter-life crisis" brouhaha, thankfully! I don't really care too much about that.. It's more the finishing up of my Masters that is playing on my mind. It's like the end of an era! :D

If you are a student studying in a university away from home, a quintessential part of your life are your hostel/dorm/apartment and in effect, your roommates. And especially if you're studying in a different country, one could go so far as to say that your roommates are like your family away from home. I've always wanted to live in a hostel environment. When I was applying for undergrad programs, I was ready to even study in godforsaken parts of Maharashtra just so that I could get the opportunity to experience life away from home! Unfortunately, my mom didn't think too highly of my ideas and that plan was tucked away in some corner of my mind. So when I decided to apply to the US for grad studies, one of the major motivating factors for me was living with roommates! Of course, those were the days I wore those beautiful rose-tinted glasses.. It was going to be awesome, I thought- living with strangers, adjusting to their whims and fancies, disputes, making up- all the works. Little did I know that the reality would be far faaarrr from beautiful.. Don't get me wrong, I've had some great roomies- but now, eighteen months and eight roommates later, I know that living with strangers is not all hunky dory.

The most astonishing part of all this is the things it teaches you about yourself. I always thought I was a very accommodating person; and I definitely am. But I am a lot more aware of my threshold levels now. Like for example, on some days, even a badly-made bed with a crumpled bedsheet is enough for my fuse to blow! The funniest thing happened last week- I have this mattress in the living room of my apartment- my friend's actually- which is like my seat. Yes, I am very Sheldon about my seat- I hate it if anyone sits there when I want to, and I can get pretty cranky about it. And unbelievable as it may sound, I actually sulked for an hour last week because my roommate moved my laptop and MATLAB book to another chair and sat on my seat- MY seat! I was just thinking about it a few days ago and couldn't help but laugh at myself! Why did I have to make such a big deal about it !! But see, that's me apparently! :P

Anyway don't start getting wrong ideas about me- I also realized in the course of this "adventure", that I am a very nice person too (like I didn't know that already.. Lol). I can be very considerate, and put aside my differences with you, if I know you're going through a hard time. And I will also go for a walk in the snow with you and talk about the weather- if I know that's what is going to make you feel better. :P:P

Well, this is probably going to be the last set of roommates I am going to live with, but I only hope and pray that if I have more roomies in store for me- let them please be nice and fun-loving! I've outlived my bad-roomie karma! :) And well, I should be thankful to all the ones I have lived with- all the self-awareness wouldn't have happened if it weren't for you! And one other thing- living with guys is easier than living with girls- a fact I always knew, but now firmly believe !! :)

An Independence Day Thought

Writing a post on India and patriotism on Independence Day is one of the most cliched things to do. It's like- the whole of blogosphere is gonna do it, so I might as well go with the flow and give my two-pence on Independence and the greatness of my country. Like anyone cares about what I think India should do to become the next super power !! :P

Anyway, this is not going to be one of those posts. I am not one of the people who have great, earth-shattering ideas about what is wrong with the Indian governance or the Indian mindset. I admit it publicly on this blog today- I have not voted even once. And I am NOT proud of it. Every time elections approached, I'd think to myself- I should register myself and my family at least this year, but I was too lazy to stand in those long queues and complete those forms. I am also not one of those people who keeps myself up-to-date with the Budget or Elections or any such thing that actually affects my country. Like any second Indian on the road, I have ideas about what the Government should do to eradicate poverty or improve the economic condition, but like every Indian on the road, I don't know what to do with those ideas. In short, I can call myself a passive patriot.

Why call myself a patriot at all, you may ask then?

Because, I do love India. I love everything it symbolizes- the cricket, the festivals, the heat, the crowded streets, the films, the food, the mix of culture and urbanization...everything. I am one of those people who stands even if I hear the National Anthem being played in the colony next to mine during jhandavandan on Independence or Republic Day. I am one of those people who would have genuinely become an IAF Officer had I been an inch taller and I would be the proudest person in the world if tomorrow, my son or daughter decide to join the Indian Army. I felt immense grief when Kalpana Chawla died aboard Columbia and when India lost the 2003 World Cup to Australia. I also felt immense pride when A.R. Rahman won the Oscars or when TATA Motors developed the one-lakh car. These may seem trivial things, but for me, they symbolize my Indianness. They are my ways of expressing my love and respect for my country.

Every second engineering graduate in India is probably pursing a Masters in some university in the US. I've seen so many brilliant seniors I had in COEP complete their MS here, get a job in one of the US companies, get married and settle down with a nice apartment with a Honda/Toyota in their garage. They come to India once in two years, children with American accents in tow, and throw one big party in the "hall" of some fancy restaurant- one place to meet all relatives and friends kinda thing. And that's it! Fifteen days later, they're back to a Starbucks every morning and using toilet paper !! :P PD's brother-in-law has been in the US for around 10-12 years and believe me, every time he visits his hometown, he stocks up on mineral water bottles because he is scared that he'll catch an infection if he drinks the municipality water! Imagine that !!! And though it's too early to say, I am 95% sure that's gonna be me in a few years' time. I'm not complaining, I came here out of choice- I wanted to experience the educational system and the life here. But what starts out as an experience of a few years becomes a never-ending fight to build bank balances and fulfilling desires. And then, we don't have the guts to get out of the comfort zone.

Life in India is hard- no doubt about it. To do anything noteworthy, you have to fight the corruption and the red-tape and the reservations and the entire system. Even getting a seat into one of the top universities in India like the IITs or the IIMs is one big fight- it requires years of perseverance, determination and hardwork. Let's face it, apart from universities like say Stanford or MIT, doing a Masters in any other US university is hardly comparable to surviving an IIT/IIM/ISB/NID/NSD/FTII etc. And then comes the part about getting a good job and surviving the initial "donkey-work" years to actually get the chance to make a difference. Only someone with true love for his country and a burning desire to contribute to its progress can happily live through all of that. With the current recession that's hit the whole world, a common joke among Indian grad students is that they are intelligent, hardworking, qualified folks who are willing to work for less and that is their USP. And while this is only said in good humor, I often think to myself- why do we do this to ourselves?! Why don't we accept that we are equally competent to our American counterparts and hence don't deserve any less?! The professors I meet here think very highly of Indian students- they know we have the brains and the ability to work very hard. But the only thing we lack is the confidence that we are good and the ability to sell ourselves to the world! I remember this one time, I was reading the resume of one of my American friends and he had actually mentioned the job he did as a lab assistant helping students take printouts as "work experience". I thought it was kinda silly- what skill is involved in that?! But he told me employers appreciate it coz it shows you've had experience in customer service, troubleshooting and people-skills! Any work is good work! Imagine that !!

I just read all I've typed in the lines above and I realize that there's not much coherence to this post. But I guess all I'm trying to say is- maybe it's time we start taking our Indianness seriously. Maybe it's time we learn to be proud of our roots and our capabilities and our strengths. And learn to declare that proudly to the world instead of waiting for them to find out on their own! And once we learn to do that for ourselves, we can hopefully develop the confidence to get into the system and actually change it- fight the poverty, decrease the corruption, not rely on reservations to get a good education.. And hopefully that will be the day this brain drain will stop. People will not think twice before returning to their country. And they will shake out of their complacence and at least attempt to elect the right government to lead the country. And that will mark the beginning of true progress.

Jai Hind !!

The good part of a rainy summer..

I spent a good part of the last post cursing the unpredictable Rochester weather and the boring summer. But to think on the positive side, there are two advantages of this weather too- Firstly, I am cooking a lot nowadays. Well, that is a good thing because those who know me decently well know that until about a year ago, I couldn't make anything except tea, coffee and fried egg. Because I was coming to the US and had to live here with strangers, my mom forcefully taught me to cook a few simple dishes. But I was always like a fish out of water in the kitchen; cooking was always an ordeal! Moving into a house with three guys as roommates and no coursework gave me the time and desire to at least attempt to develop my expertise in the kitchen. And wonder of wonders, I discovered that cooking could be quite enjoyable! And what's more, I could actually be good at it !! :) Besides, it's a known fact that there's no better way to lift your spirits than good food! So the past few days have seen me make pretty successful attempts at Ragda Patties, Gobi Manchurian, Thalipeeth, Indian Chinese, North Indian fare and many other dishes that I otherwise would have stayed 10 feet away from. Of course, it's not that I cook fancy stuff everyday but now I've reached a stage where if I have to rake up a meal for 5-6 people, I at least don't get all nervous and jittery at the thought of it. And that is definitely something my mom and I are proud of!

I think now is a good time to mention a few people I credit this new-found skill to. Of course, a major source of ideas and recipes is my mom. I think we spend at least 10-15 minutes discussing what I cooked and what she cooked everyday! Apart from that, I also vehemently hunt around for good food blogs nowadays and this has been quite a revelation actually! I cannot believe the number of Indian women settled in various parts of the US who are actively running food blogs. Now these are all young, working, married women who have kids and a husband and maybe even in-laws to look after. And I don't even know if they earn any sort of revenue from these blogs, apart from probably Adsense. But in spite of that, they regularly write about the food they cooked, add some pretty yummy pictures and conduct events to encourage fellow bloggers to come up with innovative recipes. Quite a strong network they have out there! Of course, you can always tell if the author is someone from the US when she uses cilantro instead of coriander and cayenne pepper instead of red chili powder !! ;) While I do wish to thank all of them for their contributions, there are some who I am particularly fond of:

1) Naina's recipes: Naina is actually my neighbor from Pune who has lived in Rochester for seven years and moved to Seattle just a few months ago. She has some pretty innovative recipes. I have yet to try out her authentic Italian fare though.
2) Aayi's recipes: Now this is one incredible lady. She writes about the most complex stuff as well as the most mundane, every-day recipes. The thing I like best about her is that she cooks a lot of Konkani fare which is pretty simple and easy on the tastebuds too- afterall, who wants heavy, fat-enriched food everyday!
3) Manjula's Kitchen: I guess most students in the US know about her website. She puts up videos of her recipes and though her website is not very exhaustive, it's good for some of the North Indian dishes.
4) Hooked On Heat: I love her site mainly for the amazing tempting pictures she puts up! And she also has some very interesting recipes.

Okay, now enough of food stuff !! :P The second good thing about having to stay at home because of a rainy Rochester summer is that I get to watch a lot of movies nowadays !! You already know how fond I am of movies, but the funny thing is that until now, I have seen a lot of Hindi films but have somehow missed out on some of the most famous of English movies! And PD is a major fan of all Hollywood flicks. So we invariably end up hunting for movies on IMDB, download them and watch them. Add to that, one of our professors gave us his old TV and we bought an S-Video cable last week, so now we hook up our laptops to the TV too! Imagine what a heavenly combo that is- good food and a good movie !! :):)

The past few weeks of movie-watching have made me realize how much I've have missed out on all these years! There are some pretty incredible movies out there, which can haunt you for days on end! And you can always tell if I've liked a movie depending on whether I'm awake or not at the end of it! What happens is this- we usually see these movies in the night while having dinner and I am already pretty tired coz of school the whole day. So it is only a really good and gripping movie that manages to keep me awake all through it! :P Like I saw Shawshank Redemption (yup, I was seeing it for the first time! :P) till 2 am but it was alllll worth it! That movie is one of the most incredible movies I've ever seen. That's the best thing about Hollywood flicks actually- they don't glorify the "hero"; he's not some brilliant chap who set out to do great things. He's just an ordinary guy who made the most of the cards he was dealt with! And the whole movie is just about capturing his experiences and thoughts- and that's what make them such extraordinary movies!

Of course, what blows you away is the expertise of the film-makers and technicians- they delve into such intricacies of their film's characters, it's almost as if they're living each of their lives! Like take a movie like Wall-E- the story of this film is so painfully simple but you look at the animation and you actually feel for Wall-E and Eve. You don't think of them as just cartoon characters. Same goes for Cars- I don't know about you, but I found the idea of making a delighfully cute film about a racing car lost in a small village where he finds the true meaning of friendship to be pretty innovative. Talking about innovation, I saw Memento today and I have no words for a movie like that! I haven't seen Ghajini so I'm not going to compare the two. But I do believe that even a master like Aamir Khan would not have been able to capture the true essence of the film. This is probably why Murudagoss had to resort to making the hero seem like a violent, angry guy seeking revenge. Memento is hardly what you can call violent! That is another thing about Hollywood films- everything is so understated in them. Most of the emotions the characters are going through- pain, grief, joy, guilt, pride, jealousy- are either explicit because of the dialogues and screenplay, or are left to the viewer's imagination. Unfortunately Indian films resort to very strong display of emotions, everything is very in-your-face and that sometimes does little to excite the viewer or make him think. But I guess that has more to do with the way we are- we tend to be more gregarious and loud than the Americans and so this behavior is reflected in our movies too. (Interesting view on it here by my friend Ketaki).

Of course, I don't love all the movies I see. Like, I saw The Hangover the other day and it is the dumbest, ickiest movie I have ever seen. Why would anyone make a movie like that!?!

So anyway, going by the trend, I'm looking forward to loads of yummy dishes being cooked at home and even better movies being watched.. :) And that sure does make it a wonderful summer! :) Oh and by the way, I saw Harry Potter in the theater last week and it somehow was such a letdown! I think what is happening is- people's expectations of the movie have risen so far that the directors are finding it hard to live up to it! I was specially expecting a good movie from David Yates, given that he did a fantastic job of the previous movie. But this somehow just didn't have that magical touch. I can't pinpoint to exactly what it was, but that awesome feeling you get after watching an HP movie was missing! I honestly hope the last two are brilliant- otherwise it would be a wayyy too disappointing end to the series...

Boredom x Time = A Tag !!

It's been one of those long, excruciatingly boring weeks with nothing much to do except go to school at 9 in the morning and return at 4 in the evening and try to fill the time in between with a bit of thesis work and other random things. The weather's been a major contributing factor to the inertia- that's probably one of the worst things about Rochester- it's unpredictable weather! I mean, it's summer for God's sake, it's not supposed to rain the whole day !!! :P

So anyway, lack of creative insights has forced me to resort to completing one of my long-overdue tags. It's those "My 25" things doing the rounds of Facebook, where you're supposed to write 25 random things about yourself. My friend had tagged me a long time ago, but I was a little wary about firstly, writing things about myself since I usually am not so self-observant, and secondly, writing personal things on Facebook- being a public forum and all.. (Our Career Services people scared me in the first quarter by telling me a lot of employers use FB accounts to find out more about their prospective employees and I know I have a private FB account, but nonetheless...) I've attempted a similar tag a while ago, so I'm going to try and not repeat the things I mentioned there. So, here I go with twenty-five random things about myself. Read on if you're as bored as I am-

1) I love travelling by trains, they're more fun than air or road travel.

2) I get put off by smokers. I remember when I was in COEP, Gauri and I used to yell at Akshay and Pranjal whenever they went to one of their "tapris".. I love them both otherwise, but the moment they start smoking, I somehow don't want to be around them.

3) I am pretty non-judgmental about people otherwise, and don't discriminate against anyone- regardless of actions, beliefs, ethnicity. I'm a very strong believer in the "to each his own" philosophy.

4) One of the things I love about the US is the fact that I can travel a lot, something I missed out on in India. If I had the money, I would travel to a new place every weekend!

5) I used to suck at cooking until a few months ago, used to be a nervous wreck every time I was in the kitchen! But I am turning out to be a pretty good cook off late. I try out loads of new stuff and fortunately, most of it comes out well! A major source of my recipes is cooking blogs and my mom!

6) I am not too fond of chocolate and I hate bhindi !! (Yeah, gasp all you want; I'm used to it !! :P) I absolutely delightfully love vanilla icecream though! I could eat it everyday! Same goes with gobi manchurian and bhel puri !! :)

7) I hate my hair. I wish I could change it. I am always wary of going to new hair salons because people invariably give the most shocking reactions when they see my hair. Why don't they realize that I can see them gasp?! :P Oh and when I was in school, I was called "chidya ka ghonsla"..

8) I miss my life in Doha- it was a conservative place but I had the best time of my life there..

9) Writing is also one of the things closest to my heart. I feel very restless when something I've written isn't up to my expectations. The part I loved the most in those English exams in school was the essay writing section- so what if I have to write on "A Day on the Railway Station..." !!

10) I am a pretty talkative person when I have the right company. Otherwise I can be the most silent person; you won't even notice I am there..

11) My ideal outings with friends is going someplace and having interesting conversations about randon things under the sun. Or else, doing silly things like playing Dumb-C, Uno, etc and laughing like crazy! I am not at all a big fan of friends getting together only to drink and act stupid all night long!

12) I haven't had a really intense and intelligent conversation in a really long time! I wish Anup was in the US..

13) I am not a lot into any sports, though I do like watching cricket and tennis. I felt really really really bad when India lost the 2003 World Cup though. I think I wrote one of my most emotional articles then.

14) I love learning new languages. Though German will always remain closest to my heart. I am desperately waiting to visit Germany some day and do an advanced German language course.

15) I think I'm becoming more and more like my mom nowadays.. Which is a good and bad thing..

16) I take friendship very seriously. I have a few friends and I may not call or email them every week, but I can do anything for them! I despise people who sweet-talk with everyone, pretending to be their dearest friends but turn away when their friends need them the most.

17) I am not much of a phone person. I prefer communicating face-to-face or through email or IM. I go blank when I have to "chat" with people on the phone..

18) 2004 was probably the craziest year of my life. I did a lot of things that year which I am proud of and which I regret even today.

19) I am generally a very optimistic person. I tend to look at the pluses more than the minuses. That is probably why I could successfully get out of some of the crap I've faced in life.

20) I would love to dabble in film-making some day. My ideal job would actually be engineer by day and film-maker by night. I love the creative process of making films- right from conceptualization to scriptwriting to shooting. It's a perfect blend of writing, photography, languages, travelling- all the things I love!

21) Design of Experiments is probably the first engineering subject I love so much. If I could do a Ph.D in DOE, I would..

22) I hated thermodynamics when in COEP. I simply never understood it..

23) I love people with nice, full smiles that twinkle in their eyes.

24) I canot stand dirty kitchens and bathrooms.

25) I get bored of staying in the same place for too long. Which is why I wanted to move out of Pune for my engineering. I am already bored of Rochester though.. I wish I get a job where I have to travel a lot..

Anyone who hasn't done this and who needs some sort of motivation to update their blogs, consider yourself tagged !! :)

It's done !!!! :):)

Who would've thought that less than 24 hours after writing the previous post, I'd have bought a car !!! :):):)

Yup, it's finally done !! We now have a 1999 Nissan Altima that will be ours on Friday, July 10, 2009 !! :):) It doesn't have a sunroof (sob sob :(() but it is awesome all the same.. :)

We saw it yesterday, liked it, showed it to the mechanic this morning, he okayed it except for a few glitches here and there (expected of a 10-year old car). The dealer is going to fix them in any case, so hopefully no issues there. Once all that is done, we'll do the registration on Friday and drive it home.. :) (Will post some pictures then..)

I know I'm putting in a lot of smileys while writing this, and I am really really happy too, but there is this weird tension at the back of my mind- did we make the right decision? should we have looked at other cars? or maybe thought a bit more? I think these are valid apprehensions- after all, this is the first BIG thing I am buying! A CAR for cryin' out loud !! That's HUGE! Add to that, I'm buying it on my own, without my parents. They left the decision completely to us coz after all, we were the ones test driving the cars and we were going to use it ultimately! It feels a little scary to be given that kind of responsibility! But I guess it had to begin some time..

I can only hope and pray that I've made the right choice.... Until then, no more looking up postings on Craigslist and Cars.com, no more calling dealers and weird car owners, no more fixing appointments and looking up directions on Google Maps! Gosh, life is sure gonna feel empty! :):);)

The Car Hunt

The story goes thus -

PD and his roommate bought a 96 Toyota Corolla (what else!) in November 2007.
The car was a steal- low miles, great condition, well within budget.
All was great for 19 months. (:):))
But. All good things come to an end.
So did this.
A fateful trip on one day and a (terribly!) overheated engine and from then on, everything went downhill.
Thousands of dollars spent and loads of frustrated days, but things didn't improve.
Until finally, they decided to sell the car. Depression.
But this was easier done than said !!
On Day One, we put up an ad on Craigslist and half an hour later a guy was on the phone demanding that he'd buy the car tomorrow (negotiated the price a bit, but was expected!).
On Day Two, the car was test driven (phew!) and sold !!
PD's roommate bought a new car since he got an internship in the Village of Wolcott.
But life in Rochester is difficult without a car due to the terrible public transportation.
Still, we managed somehow.
But then finally, something (happy) happened which made buying a car imperative for PD too.
But he didn't have enough savings (thanks to repair jobs on the Corolla!)
So PD and I decided to pool in and buy a car together.
And so from June 1, 2009, the car hunt began.
And...it still continues.

We don't have a lot of demands- just a non-American car (read: Honda, Toyota, Mazda or Nissan) which has not more than 120k miles on it, is in good running condition, has well-maintained interiors and is less than $4000 !! (Well, I did have a CD-player and a sunroof on the list initially, but after seeing what's out there in the market, I had to leave those for when I buy my brand new car !! :(( Kidding !!) But honestly, in the past one month, we have seen close to thirty cars and only one has come even close to the final stage! That itself gives you an idea of how frustrating this has been. The hunt still continues and hopefully I shall have positive news in the next few weeks..

But if I were to look on the brighter side, then this has been a brilliant learning experience too. I, for one, have never been much into cars. I've admired their engineering of course, being a mechanical engineer, but I definitely am not the types who can rattle off their specs, given a car's make, model and year! These are some of my "lessons learnt" -

• It may sound like a typically "Indian" thing to do, but never trust American cars- especially with the economy in doldrums! For a grad student hunting for a used car, it has got to be Toyotas and Hondas all the way! We have included Nissan and Mazda only because we haven't been able to find a decent car within our budget.
• Craigslist is going to throw thousand cars at you. If any car seems too good to be true, then it probably is !! For example, if someone says they're selling a 1998 Toyota Camry with 106k miles on it and in excellent running condition for $2500, then there's probably something majorly wrong with the car! Good guideline to use is the Kelly Blue Book.
• There are these ads you'll find on Craigslist for cars being sold at lower prices. If contacted, a common story told by most sellers is that they're going through a divorce and so want to sell the car ASAP. Then they go on to say that they'll ship the car to you through eBay Motors (shipping included in the cost of the car!). You have ten days to drive it and if you don't like it, your money will be refunded! Absolute and total scam!
• It is always good to educate yourself about what to look for when you first see the car. PD's dad found this simple superb link which has an excellent description of how to look for potential problems- things like the oil levels, transmission problems, etc, which even a person with basic knowledge about car components can do. I was illiterate about these things at first, but now I can proudly say that I know how to check the engine oil levels or ensure the timing belt of a car has been changed or detect weird sounds from the muffler..
• In a place like Rochester, where it snows for eight months of the year, it is imperative that your car have good tires, good brakes and little or no rust, coz otherwise you're in for big trouble! These are little things which may not seem important at first, but seem crucial once you actually start using your car.
• The interiors of a car can reveal a lot about how well-maintained it is. Coz an owner who has spills all over the seats or didn't bother to use floor mats in his car probably didn't bother to change the oil every 3000 miles!
• Similarly, if dealing with a dealer, make sure to speak to him as much as possible about the car. Ask him all the info he has about it- maintainence, any changed components, since when is he trying to sell the car etc. Dealers usually quote a price much higher than expected, coz they know customers are going to bargain. But if a dealer readily agrees to negotiation in price, then there's probably something he's hiding. Also, one thing I've noticed- a friendly and approachable dealer is a much safer bet than a grumpy guy who just wants to fix the deal and get the car out of his shop.
• Before finalizing anything, make sure to check the car's records through a CARFAX report. It reveals a lot about the car's history- accidents, major repair works, past owners, inspection reports etc. I don't think they have such a system in India, but this is one must-do before buying a used car.
• And finally, regardless of how good you think the car is, it is always a good idea to have it inspected by a mechanic. We once nearly finalized on a Honda Accord- all seemed good, the dealer was a friendly chap too. We showed it to a mechanic and he told us there was a small crack in the rear tires, the AC condenser was leaking, and a bearing near the driver's seat was loose! One good thing about the incident was that we got hold of an excellent mechanic (we went to him coz he was the only one open at 6 pm!) who did a thorough job and actually took the time to explain every detail to us.

So you see, buying a car in the US is not easy. It is a long and tedious procedure and can get quite irritating at times! But I am happy that I am at least getting gyaan about cars in the process. Now to be fair, I know of guys here who're mechanical engineers no less, and don't even know the difference between a manual and automatic transmission! And there is one I met who didn't know how to open the bonnet of his car! He was looking at PD and me in awe when we were examining his engine !! So I am a lot better compared to them! After all, I worked on bonnets for eight months when I was in TATA Motors !! :) But all in all, this has definitely been worth it!

Now if only I'd get my car with a CD player and sunroof soon enough !!! :):)

Back to the world of board games

I PLAYED SCRABBLE TODAY !!! AFTER YEARS !!! :):)

Well yes, the thought of having played Scrabble today, for real and not some animated computer version of it, makes me feel really really happy! I've never really been a fan of computer games- never really tried any of them except the occasional NFS or Counterstrike. I do have a lot of friends who are literally addicted to some of these games, willing to spend whole weekends killing the "enemy", collecting health and buying weapons. Though I don't have anything against these people (I try to remain unbiased! :P), I somehow never really got any of that adrenaline rush from playing them! I did always love board games though- like the good old Scrabble, Monopoly, even patte (though I'm not really good at any patte games :P)

But these smart ass computer guys (I've always hated them !! :P) always manage to come up with e-versions of games, and to attract players, they add all these special effects and sounds to them, making the whole thing look very chic and stylized. I know, because I keep getting updates on Orkut and FB about someone looking for "a purple poker chip" in Mafia Wars (duh !!) and scoring 76584 points in WordTwist !! And then there's this game called Crazy Taxi and Texas Hold 'em Poker (or somesuchthing !! :P) Now imagine- if you're going to keep people busy with racing taxis around the place, where is there time to even have a conversation, leave alone play a board game !!

Even I had completely forgotten the pleasure one can get from playing a real, real game, until I went for a friend's engagement last month. That is when I played Pictionary for the very first time !! (Yes, I'm equally surprised I hadn't played it before!) And I cannot even explain how much fun it was! I sucked at the first few words, but then came the big one- Obamania- and you may call it bragging but I did manage to pull that one off pretty well !! Of course, it helped that we had brilliant players- we didn't just split the word and draw each bit, but we actually built a story around each of them! Sample this- We gave this guy in the other team the word "penance" and he went on to show a guy who rapes a girl and then (coz he feels guilty about it) decides to leave the city and move to the khets of Punjab. While sowing seeds in the fields, he spots God standing right in the middle of the field. That is when he decides to sit under a tree and meditate for the rest of his life !! Well, the other team did guess the word eventually, but you can only imagine the hilarity of the situation! I really wish I had that notebook we drew all our words in- It's worth saving for the sake of posterity! I really wonder if our kids will know what drawing with an actual pen on a real page made of paper pulp is ! :P

Anyway, I was bored after a long day of thesising last week and that's when I spotted the box of Scrabble by my bedside. One of my friends had given it to me when she left Rochester last September, but I somehow never actually got around to playing it even once! This time though, I dragged PD to play with me (he's another computer game addict !! hmmmpppfff :P:P) And I cannot tell you how much fun it was! The first time around, we came up with the usual 3-4 letter words kike hat and cat, but the second time it was brilliant! We managed to build some pretty unusual words and so what if we tweaked the rules a bit too (He allowed me Rehab and I allowed him Prez!) The sheer joy of being away from the glaring computer screen and playing something for real was brilliant! Scrabble is definitely going to remain on my list of favorites for a while! I am still in the process of persuading PD to give Pictionary a shot. And while I am at it, I plan to treat myself to a 4th of July gift- the original UNO card game !!! (Boy, I used to LOVE that game as a kid !!! :):))

And well, after we were done with the game, I was so happy that I actually clicked a snap of the board! :) Here's to more such evenings! :):)